THE SHOES

Dame

They're priced at $105 and have BOUNCE™ cushioning, TORSION® midfoot integrity and Continental™ rubber. There's no Adidas Boost foam because Lillard thought it would make the shoes too expensive.

Yeezy

The newest, freshest release retails for $350, but you'll never get them at retail price unless you camp out for a few days. They have Boost, plus a material called tonal Primeknit, designed to "fit like a second skin." Rumor has it the next line will fit like dolphin skin.

HOTTEST VERSION

Dame

The D Lillard 2.0 in white. Simple, classy, guaranteed to make you look good while barely missing the playoffs.

Yeezy

The tan Yeezy Boost 350 low tops, which look like something every baller on Tatooine would pawn their service droid to buy.

WHAT THE REVIEWS SAY

Dame

"The D Lillard 1 provides a solid shoe ideal for a guard accustomed to quick cuts," says Sports Illustrated. "The D Lillard 1 is a decent budget model. Don't get that confused with bang for your buck," says weartesters.com. "Surprisingly these shoes have a lot of grip, they feel awesome. I kinda feel bad playing with them because of how cool they look," says Amazon user Jesse Garcia.

Yeezy

"Sold my car that I need to get to work but damn it was worth it. When you put these on it's honestly amazing. You can really feel the sold Honda Accord when I walk," says Amazon user rocco ficociello.

NOTABLE CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENTS

Dame

Damian Lillard.

Yeezy

President Obama, Taylor Swift, Lakers guard Nick Young, all the Kardashians, Justin Bieber, Gigi Hadid, Victoria Beckham, Calvin Harris, Pharrell Williams, Formula One driver Lewis Hamilton, Joe Jonas, Lorde, 2 Chainz.

DE FACTO THEME SONG

Dame

"Bigger Than Us," Dame DOLLA's first all-original rap song. It's actually about racial strife in America, but what heals socioeconomic divides better than affordable sneakers?

Yeezy

"Facts," a Nike-dissing, Drake and Future-referencing freestyle about how 'Ye jumped our Jumpman.

NEW THINGS YOU'LL SUDDENLY BE ABLE TO DO IN THEM

Dame

Drain 30-foot jumpers with a defender in your face and the shot

clock winding down.

Yeezy

Drop classic album after classic album while continuing to make white America very mad.

WHAT TO WEAR WITH IT

Dame

A Dallas Mavericks jersey five years from now.

Yeezy

A leather utilikilt with a diamond-encrusted gimp mask and prosthetic antlers.

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