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Country singer Wheeler Walker Jr. is a redneck. Don't worry, he won't take offense to that description. After all, his new album is called Redneck Shit. (Rumor has it he's actually the satirical alter ego of a comic with the decidedly un-country name of Ben Hoffman.) And as you might gather, he doesn't take too kindly to anyone pansying up country music. We asked him for his top offenders, and it didn't take much to get him good and riled up.
Garth Brooks
My parents went to see him in Kentucky when I was a kid. My dad said it was the best concert he'd ever seen, which made me know he was a pussy. They hung Garth's fat ass from a crane and flew him over the audience just to make his songs bearable.
Sam Hunt
Why this is considered "country" is beyond me. It's fucking pop rap. Vanilla Ice already did this. And did it better. And that's not a compliment. This is everything that's wrong with modern country music.
Kenny Chesney
He played Philly the same night we played there, and he sold 50,000 tickets. We sold…less than that. Am I jealous? Of course. Everyone's saying he's the next Jimmy Buffett, and I hated the first Jimmy Buffett.
Pitbull
Pitbull played the CMT Awards last month. Let that sentence sink in. That's how fucked country music is nowadays. And I had to sit through that shit. At a fucking country show!
Reba McEntire
I just wanted to put her name on this list because I'd like to make love to her. I thought for sure becoming a major country star would get it done, but so far, nothing. But in case she has a Google alert and sees this—Reba, call me.
SEE IT: Wheeler Walker Jr. plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Birdcloud, on Thursday, July 7. 8 pm. $17.50 advance, $20 day of show. 21+.
Willamette Week