Why do Portlanders Like Waiting in Line so Much?

Early merging vs. late merging is the Israel vs. Palestine of the open road.

On the freeway, when you see a sign that says, “Left Lane Ends, 1 Mile,” when should you merge right? I say “in 1 mile,” but most people change lanes immediately, and think I’m a cheater for waiting. Why do Portlanders like waiting in line so much? —Lydia

Explaining this city’s seemingly limitless appetite for line-standing is a philosophical imponderable beyond the scope of this column. Ask the crowd clamoring for another Soylent Green fix at Salt & Straw. God knows they have plenty of time to help you figure it out.

The issue you're talking about—early merging vs. late merging—is the Israel vs. Palestine of the open road, pitting brother against brother in a never-ending cascade of rage.

Put yourself in those other drivers' position, Lydia. There they are, trying to do the right thing, slowing to a crawl as they lumber into the anointed lane, while you speed, unimpeded, to the merge point like the line-cutter that you are.

Is it any wonder they hate you? Your position would be completely indefensible were it not for one tiny mitigating factor: You're right, and everybody else is wrong.

This is a hard truth to swallow—especially for Portlanders, the only species for whom testosterone actually fuels ever more elaborate displays of conspicuous politeness.

However, the traffic science is pretty clear: In congested conditions, the most efficient thing to do is keep both lanes full right up to the lane closure, then do a "zipper merge" through the choke point. When everyone does this, neither lane has an "unfair" advantage.

Unfortunately, when you're the only person on the road who knows this fact, it's easy to be mistaken for a giant douchebag. (I had a few choice words for late mergers myself until I did this research.)

We just have to keep getting the word out. In the meantime, try not to look too smug as you proceed, humbly, down that right-hand lane.

QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

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