Star Wars: 1, Bundys: 0

In Burns, the dark side of the Force has suffered a major defeat.

By Lizzy Acker

For the little town of Burns, Ore.—population 2,728—the armed militia circus that has invaded Malheur National Wildlife Refuge has brought something besides a phalanx of American-made trucks to town: It's brought difficult entertainment decisions.

The people of Burns, who generally pass the winter shoveling snow and cutting firewood, have spent the majority of 2016 dealing with gun-toting seditionists who hate dildos and birds, and the media that follow them.

It's brought serious business to Burns, as well as the constant potential of either a hilarious new YouTube video or a real-life shootout.

To make sure the show stays fresh, the Bundy brothers, who are leading the group of anti-government occupiers who have taken over Malheur Wildlife Refuge and commandeered the government's computers, promised the people of Burns another fun Friday-night diversion earlier in the week: a community meeting for the citizens, to let them know when and how the Bundys plan to leave their outpost.

According to OPB, there was something else planned for Friday night too: the Burns movie premiere of Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

That presented a dilemma for the desert scavengers of Burns.

Could the Bundys and their gang of bros beat the third-highest box office grossing film of all time?

Now, we will never know: The Bundys called off tonight's community meeting because they couldn't find a venue that would host them. Star Wars will premiere tonight without competition.

You've won this battle, Rey, but Kylo Ren isn't dead yet. The war is far from over.

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