Dear Mr. Zusman:

From my point of view, my job is clear and my mission is just, so I'm committed to the complete destruction of Wal-Mart as a corporate entity. They had not incurred my wrath until they incarcerated my dear old mother for the crime of falling down and injuring herself in one of their criminal outlets. Forced her to perform unnatural acts, including filling out forms describing the incident... "for insurance purposes." Denied medical attention, counsel, even a phone call.

People handle outrage in different ways. I immediately hired a voodoo witch doctor over the telephone, and overnight K-Mart was on its knees and Martha Stewart was imprisoned. Bad connection. My bad.

The Willamette Week tells stories about human beings, the triumph of the human spirit over the corporate juggernauts that are grinding the shit out of our barleycorns, and I cannot believe that your feelings for the sanctity of motherhood are not on a par with mine.

Since I'm a pauper and beyond the reach of litigation, and because you are an alternative newspaper that would actually benefit if Wal-Mart sued you for what I wrote, would you like to see ta short piece on what actually happened to my poor old ma at their hands, while she is still alive and lucid enough to bear witness? She's the kind of saintly old lady who can laugh about a mugging or her new friends in Nigeria who need help moving funds, and she has actually forgiven Wal-Mart long ago. Not me. Her incipient Alzheimers might help her find a reason to pardon them, but what they did merits sanctions with extreme prejudice.

Now's the time, when the economy is on the ropes and even China is reeling, to bring the Commie enablers and child-laborer sweatshop employers to their knees.

Your call. Happy Holidays.

 

Jeff-write it up and send it in, though there are no guarantees

 

While critically examining the paranormal claims of Lake Oswego's Laurie McQuary and her alleged assistance with law enforcement agencies in locating 27 bodies of murder victims a Willamette Week reference stands out. For years McQuary

 

Dear Mr. Zusman,

I'm curious, will you be doing any snowpocalypse coverage, like, old ladies getting frozen and squirrels nesting up in warm engine blocks and stuff? Wondering what stories you might unearth that other outlets did not publicize.

thanks!

 

Thanks Mr. Zusman. Will check it out. Praise.