1. Owl City, “Fireflies”
Holy shit, everything about this rips off the Postal Service. But it’s really, really awful. Is there a lawsuit Ben Gibbard can file? Do we blame him for this shit?
2. Jason DeRulo, “Whatcha Say”
OK, this is pretty catchy, I guess. The Auto-Tune still makes me puke a little, but that T.I.-style beat ’n’ synth sounds pretty epic. Nothing groundbreaking, but at least I can see why people like this.
3. Jay Sean feat. Lil’ Wayne, “Down”
Terrible lyrics. Terrible hook. Zero heart. Just terrible in every way imaginable.
4. Miley Cyrus, “Party In the U.S.A.”
I guess I can’t blame a test-tube baby for soaking up shitty influences like a sponge, but jeez. I hope she wrote this herself! OK, I checked. She didn’t. Kill me.
5. Jay-Z, Rihanna Kanye West, “Run This Town”
This slays everything else on the list so hard I’m amazed it made the charts. Cool, raw-sounding beat! Rihanna can sing! Jay’s still got it! How can Americans be smart about this and so stupid in general? Can I blame the schools? I’ll blame the schools.