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BITCH, PLEASE: The grass is always greener when its stains are on your clothes, so grab some duds and swing down to Jupiter Hotel this weekend for Bitch Media's spring clothing swap. For $7 and a bag of clothes you can saunter in and swap, and for $10 you can get in sans bag, ostensibly to enjoy the "thrifty feminist" atmosphere. Jupiter Hotel, 800 E Burnside St.. 5:30-7:30 pm Tuesday, May 25. $7 with clothes, $10 without.

FREE RENT FOR (WHAT'S LEFT OF) LIFE: Seniors who tour a Holiday Retirement community before June 30 will be entered to win one of three spots with free rent for life (including food and cleaning services!) at any of the company's locations. While it's fantastic financially, there's something profoundly eerie about being the only resident whose life is a financial burden on the facility that's taking care of you. In addition, this weekend Parkrose Chateau is giving out two cruise passes as door prizes for people who tour. Parkrose Chateau, 3141 NE 148th Ave., 928-8592; for other Holiday Retirement community locations, see

GAY & GREY: Get your feeble freak on this weekend at the second annual Gay & Grey PDX expo, which aims to help the LGBTQ senior community by offering free health consultations and fitness evaluations, food, music, housing resources, free chair massages and light acupuncture. Friendly House, 1737 NW 26th Ave., 228-4391, 10 am-2 pm Saturday, May 22. Free.

EVE'S PASTRAMI: Kenny & Zuke's continues its free movie series this week with Adam's Rib, the popular 1949 film that generated the dueling-married-lawyers-whose-opposing-positions-in-a-court-case-causes-tension-in-their-personal-life trope. Kenny & Zuke's SandwichWorks, 2376 NW Thurman St., 954-1737. 6:30 pm Tuesday, May 25. Free.

THE FIRST CUT IS THE CHEAPEST: The Leatherman Tool Group is holding its annual factory sale on discontinued and obsolete models of useful (and often razor-sharp) multi-tools. Everything will be on deep discount, so find a cadre of woodsmen friends and hike deep into Northeast to snag some gear. Leatherman, 12106 NE Ainsworth Circle. Noon–8 pm Friday, 10 am-2 pm Saturday, May 21-22.

TEEN DRAMA: PlayWrite, the terrific Portland nonprofit that conducts play-writing workshops for youth in underserved areas throughout Oregon, presents a showcase of short plays by students from Portland Night High School, New Avenues for Youth, Merrick School/ChristieCare, Rosemont School and White Shield Center performed by great local actors like Amaya Villazan, Spencer Conway and Cecily Overman. World Trade Center, 121 SW Salmon St. 5 and 7 pm Tuesday, May 25. Free. Reservations required, via