5. The Nachables: One Lunchables package, covered in hot nacho cheese, with a suicide Slurpee.

4. Burger Box With Fries: One hot dog-shaped burger with cheese and the works, covered in hot nacho cheese with Jays shoestring potato chips on top. Washed down with cherry Dr. Pepper.

3. El Ranch Hand: Chopped-up chicken tenders covered in pico de gallo, ranch dressing and jalapeños. Served with a side of buffalo and ranch Doritos and fruit punch-flavored Jarritos.

2. The Richard Simmons: Low-fat peanut-butter crackers, a banana, pre-packaged fruit bowl and VitaminWater XXX.

1. Combo 777: Teriyaki Dragon Strips, wasabi Doritos, Sprite and—for dessert—gummi worms in a Neapolitan ice-cream sandwich.


Dark Time Sunshine plays Friday at Ash Street Saloon. 9:30 pm. $7. 21+.