For vinyl enthusiasts, record shows are like Christmas. The conventions provide an opportunity for near-endless crate-digging, with wax junkies hoping against hope they’ll find some long-lost Bowie 45 or Sam Cooke picture disc among the sun-bleached debris. But record shows are also fraught with peril. In the age of eBay, deals are harder than ever to find, and even the most frivolous of LPs has some value to someone. Fool’s gold abounds. So, young vinyl collector, here are six records you should not pay more than 50 cents for—because these LPs clutter every thrift store in America. If you come across any of this chaff in your treasure hunt, and it’s priced more than $1, you should challenge the vendor to a duel.
Barbra Streisand, Kris Kristofferson, A Star is Born
There’s a lot of forbidden, Jew-on-hillbilly sex stuff going on here, I realize. That doesn’t mean you should buy the record.
Captain & Tennille, Love Will Keep Us Together
Many have fallen prey to this album’s siren song. Don’t listen! Love must keep you apart!
Mitch Miller, PARTY: Sing Along With Mitch
Who wouldn’t want to party with this dude? You don’t. At least not for more than 50 cents.
Chariots of Fire OST
Yes, this is hilarious to play while running in slow motion. No, you should not pay more than a dollar for it.
Herb Alpert’s Tijuana Brass, Whipped Cream & Other Delights
Perhaps the sexiest album cover of all time! Perhaps the least valuable album in the world!
Lionel Richie, Can’t Slow Down
You might feel guilty about passing on this. The IRS clearly took everything from Lionel except his favorite metal chair.
WEDNESDAY SEPT. 22
Holocene’s annual record fair and celebration of local labels. Watch live sets by the Parenthetical Girls, a DJ set by Selector Dub Narcotic (a.k.a. Calvin Johnson). Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8 pm. Free.
Terrence Malick’s 1973 debut is based on Charles Starkweather, the Nebraska James Dean wannabe-turned-serial killer who also inspired a Bruce Springsteen song. This is arguably the greatest movie of the 1970s—even if it’s just dancing in the dark. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., 221-1156. 7 pm. $6-$9.
FRIDAY SEPT. 24
The group of singer/instrumentalists, who call themselves a “classical manband,” reprise their February presentation of 12th-century mystic Hildegard von Bingen’s musical work Ordo Virtutum. St. John the Baptist Episcopal Church, 6300 SW Nicol Road, 245-3777. 7:30 pm Friday, 4 pm Sunday. $15 suggested donation.
[MUSIC] THE CHAMELEONS, THE PRIDS, DEATHCHARGE, BENJAMIN STARSHINE!, DJ KRIS FROST
Underrated U.K. post-punk band the Chameleons play plenty of vintage material to remind young fans of the hand they had in shaping the sound of groups like Interpol. East End, 203 SE Grand Ave., 232-0056, 10 pm. $10. 21+
[MUSIC] THE VERY BEST, WARPAINT, ZOLA JESUS
The Very Best—featuring Malawian singer Esau Mwamwaya and French/Swedish DJ duo Radioclit—plays joyful, clattery Afropop for Western ears. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639, 9 pm. $15. 21+
SATURDAY SEPT. 25
[FREE FOOD] FLASH KITCHEN
It’s a cross between a flash mob and a food cart: Local chefs set up a mobile kitchen to teach cooking classes. Director Park, 815 SW Park Ave. Noon-5 pm. Free.
[JUGGLING] JUGGLING AND VAUDEVILLE EXTRAVAGANZA
Benson High School will be taken over by, like, a quintillion jugglers. Benson High School Auditorium, 546 NE 12th Ave., vaudevilleextravaganza.com. 7 pm. $8-$16.
SUNDAY SEPT. 26
[SCREEN] AN EVENING WITH LANCE BANGS
Undeservedly obscure PDX director Bangs introduces samples of his work, including a tip-top HBO documentary on the delightfully gloomy Maurice Sendak. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., 221-1156. 7 pm. $6-$9.