Sweatering It Out: Sweaters

Rug Rats: Babies

Drama Teens: Boys andGirls

Mommie Dearest: Women

Badass Dads: Men

Friends, Lovers & Significant Sinners

Rich Bitches

Seasoned Seniors: Grandparents

Last Resort: Resortwear

You'd feel trapped in Hades, too, if your grandkids kept giving you bathrobes every holiday. What are you thinking? That they couch-surf so much they've already worn out the ones you gave them last year? Enough already with senior stereotyping. Today's senior set is a progressive, active bunch with a healthy approach to life. They spend their days volunteering in the community, going to gyms and, yes Virginia, even surfing the Internet. So how 'bout skipping the flannel jammies this season, OK?

Top It Off
Still too cool for a comb-over, your active grandpa needs a sporty hat to warm his ears and disguise his sparse scalp without making him look like Elmer Fudd. A simple, waterproof oilskin cap ($24, G.I. Joe's, 1140 N Hayden Meadows Drive, 283-0318, and other locations) will protect his noggin nicely and is tastefully appropriate for both woodland sports and urban jaunts. As a bonus, the cap has fleece ear flaps, in case your politically correct gramps would rather go naked than wear fur. But let's not visualize that.

Ever wonder why Granddad sometimes smells like wet wool? It's because he's wearing wet wool. It's all because of that plaid overcoat he snapped up at Sears in '62, way before fabric technology allowed the advanced sportswear we see today. But doesn't he deserve waterproof, breathable and functional outerwear, too? Imagine his delight at still being dry and not the least bit stinky after a rainy day in the yard wearing Patagonia's Supercell Jacket ($179, Patagonia, 907 NW Irving St., 525-2552). A lightweight shell constructed from nylon ripstop with a water-repellent finish, such an odor-proof gift will put the rest of us out of our misery, too.

The Time of His Life
He may be retired, but Gramps still keeps a busy schedule and a sharp eye on the time. He can't miss the game on ESPN, poker night at the neighbor's or that round of golf with his buddies. Make sure he's never late by handing over an REI Classic Watch ($60, REI, 1798 Jantzen Beach Center, 283-1300, and other locations). The stylish stainless-steel field watch comes in black or khaki, with a washable nylon canvas wristband and jumbo, easy-to-read numbers. It's even water-resistant to 330 feet, so if your favorite senior falls overboard on that next Caribbean cruise, he'll know when his time is up.

High, Dry & Fly
Your grandmother is a class act. A woman of sophisticated taste, she won't sport helmet hair; she's doesn't show up in the same polyester slacks she wore to your first birthday party; and above all, she's not going to carry any cutesy kitten-motif umbrella. But she will be proud to show off a Burberry Classic mini-umbrella ($85, Mercantile, 735 SW Park Ave., 223-6649). Lightweight and compact, the hallmark Burberry plaid will inject a lot of style with minimal effort, all the while keeping her club-hopping card buddies jealous.

Go-Go Grandma!
What do J.Lo, Gwyneth and your grandmother have in common (other than a shared love for Ben Affleck)? How about a cozy velour track suit ($88, Norm Thompson, 1805 NW Thurman St., 221-0764)? It can't be beat for comfort-on-the-go or for right-now style. Hollywood starlets are wearing them to yoga classes, for shopping and even out to breakfast. The machine-washable Norm Thompson version comes in ivory, black or cranberry, sized to fit even J.Lo's derriere.

What's in the Bag?
If your granny insists on clutching her purse in her lap like that all the time, shouldn't it at least be a cute one? Help her out with a whimsical picture tote ($20-$50, 3 Monkeys, 811 NW 23rd Ave., 222-9894) large enough to hold all her medication, library books and family photos. In a myriad of novelty styles, the casual canvas totes come in splashy prints, embellished with beads and adorned with pictures of sassy cowgirls or Vargas-style pinups.

Grandma's Getting Fleeced
What will Grandma wear even more than a snuggly fleece robe? A GG Sport snuggly fleece coat ($72-$136, DZ Collections, 712 NW 23rd Ave., 227-5454) that she can wrap herself in while trimming the hedges, walking the dog and chasing her grandchildren around the park. The thick, fleecy coats come in a range of colors and styles designed to keep her warm, whatever her whim.

Snoop Grand-Dog
You know how the Blazers rip away their warmup pants before a game? Haven't you always wanted to do that? Now even Grandpa can, in Adidas' Adibreak track suit (jacket $50, pants $55, Adidas, visit for retailer). The zip-down, hooded jacket is fully lined and has two outside pockets and two hidden inside. The pants snap all the way down the sides (right along Adidas' signature three stripes), so your old feller can pretend to be Rasheed.