We all behave erratically once in a while. Whether it’s sending your ex-girlfriend 50 text messages in an hour or building a two-way radio to talk to God, sometimes you have to do a little fast talking to explain your way out of a jam.
So this week, in honor of the 75th Dr. Know column, we’re having an explanation contest. Can you think on your feet? Prove it, in…The Great “Explain David Wu” Sweepstakes!
You report to your job as a janitor in a Congressional office building to find the place strangely deserted. A harried-looking man approaches you. “Congratulations,” he says, and pins a large badge on your coverall that reads “Press Secretary.”
Handing you a sheaf of news clippings, the man grabs a suitcase and heads for the delivery entrance. “The press conference starts here in 15 minutes,” the round-faced man calls over his shoulder. “Good luck!”
Looking over the documents, you realize that your liberal arts degree may come in handy after all. It looks like you just need to explain three things:
1) Why did much of the Congressman’s staff quit en masse immediately after the election?
2) Why was he sending incomprehensible emails late at night?
3) Why was he wearing a tiger costume? (see photo, here.)
Anyone who’s ever heard the crunch of Mom’s tires in the driveway while doing a kegstand understands the skill that’s needed here: You need to spin plausibly, and if possible, spin in a way that makes the subject of the spin look good. Tie it all together. Was it aliens? Russian spies? Maybe robots!
First prize is a $50 gift certificate to Capt. Ankeny’s Well. Second prize is the press secretary job for a month.* Third prize is the job for life.*
*No, it isn’t.