By earthquake

My sperm torpedoes will rip Portland's fault lines.

By destroying infrastructure

I will indelicately stretch City Hall's corrupt intestine; politicians will howl.

By relaxing

My metal ass will sit on Portland until Portland is no more.

By my very name

I will volumetrically utter "Killbot" at a black harmonic juncture, causing cognitive estrangement (irreparable).

The old-fashioned way

I will replace all known human flesh with my boot.

SEE IT: Killbot, a 9-foot killer robot imported from the Bay Area, will emcee this year's Metalhaus showcase Saturday, March 19, at the Wonder Ballroom. See Saturday listing for details. 9 pm. $7. 21+.