Hey, it’s the Multnomah County Fair! Did you know Multnomah County has a fair? Apparently it does! And among the pony rides, floral exhibits and talent competitions, the weekend will feature something called “Alaskan Pig Racing.”
“Swine are very intelligent,” says Bart Noll, who has been running All-Alaskan Racing Pigs for 25 years. “They develop strategies—inside lane, outside lane—their behaviors differ from race to race.”
Noll and his family train the pigs to compete by rewarding them with cookies, and tour up and down the West Coast with a show that sees the hogs race around a track, jump over hurdles and generally look adorable.
While that all sounds like minutes of fun, it strikes us that there’s one very obvious thing missing from the event: gambling.
Should you want to pick up the slack by wagering a few corn dogs and elephant ears (because gambling for money is illegal, yo) on a promising porker, we’ve put together (read: entirely fabricated) a racing form for these highly skilled athletes.
GO: The Multnomah County Fair is at Oaks Amusement Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way, multnomahcountyfair.org. Midday-7 pm Saturday-Monday, May 28-30. Free.
THURSDAY, MAY 26
[STORIES] BACK FENCE PDX
The storytelling showcase features Rod Englert, a blood-spatter expert; Zachary Schomburg, co-editor of Octopus Books; Moe Bowstern, a “fisherwoman and former anarcho-activist”; Eric Scheur, an animator; and April Wolfe, half of the comedy duo Just Desperation and editor of Peninsulas Now Press. Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St., backfencepdx.com. 7:30 pm. $12-$15. 21+.
[MUSIC] SLEIGH BELLS
Sleigh Bells is loud. It sounds like a pep rally as broadcast through a busted bass amp. And while the denim-clad posturing and convenient sidestep into approachability with “Rill Rill” is probably too calculated to last, it’s so much fun enjoying this group’s energy in the meantime. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave. 8 pm. $18. All ages.
FRIDAY, MAY 27
[MUSIC] ALOE BLACC
With some exceptions, the purported “soul revival” of the past few years has fallen flat on its face. Aloe Blacc is a huge, real-deal exception: Last year’s Good Things underlines the point five or six times, then circles it, then runs over it with a highlighter pen. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St. 9 pm. $15. 21+.
[MOVIES] TRUE LEGEND
Famed martial arts choreographer Yuen Woo-Ping crafts a dazzling and utterly insane epic about a Drunken Boxing master who redefines the term “high-functioning alcoholic” while on a quest for revenge. Regal Fox Tower, 846 SW Park Ave., 221-3280. Multiple showtimes. $7.50-$10.50
MONDAY, MAY 30
[WINE] MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND IN WINE COUNTRY
It’s Memorial Day, and what better way to commemorate the sacrifices of our brave soldiers than a weekend sipping pinot and eating cheese at one of the Willamette Valley’s wineries? The wineries will open their doors for tastings, seminars, special releases, music, food pairings and more. A portion of the tasting fees will go to Ecotrust’s Farm to School Programs, which should help you feel slightly less like a lush and more like a patriot. Visit willamettewines.com for a full list of participating wineries and events.
TUESDAY, MAY 31
[MUSIC] !!!, BREAKFAST MOUNTAIN
!!! (usually pronounced “chk chk chk”) doesn’t take its cues from secondhand funk. It goes straight to the source: Funkadelic, Chic, Zapp and Roger, et al. That’s what makes the eight-piece ensemble the most legitimate group currently tagged as “dance punk.” Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St. 9 pm. $15. 21+.