John Minnis

Something about war brings out the best and the worst in people--and we're not talking about the combatants. The attack on Iraq has unleashed a wave of self-servitude, ranging from doubtful patriotism to outright chicanery. Here's the pick of this week's gallery of Rogues:

Strutting at the head of our parade of miscreants are the flag-waving entrepreneurs at "Real Patriotic Products" (see their website at 65.60.10.17/pin.html). Just minutes after the bombs began to rain down on Baghdad, they sent out spam advertising American-flag lapel pins (just $4.99 plus shipping and handling! While stocks last!). Talk about cheek! At least these guys had the guts to provide a telephone number at their website; call (800) 273-6568 to register your feelings.

On the local front, we'd like to mention State Sen. John Minnis (R-Wood Village) who authored Senate Bill 742, a draconian proposal that would define various acts of civil disobedience as "terrorism" and make them punishable with--gulp--life imprisonment! If, for example, you participate in an act intended to "disrupt" the "commerce or the transportation systems of the State of Oregon," you're looking at a lifetime career in making license plates! If this bothers you, call Sen. Minnis at (503) 986-1725 or email sen.johnminnis@state.or.us.

Bringing up the rear of our cavalcade of cads is a fashionably unshaven 20-ish man-boy with short sandy brown hair, designer jeans, geek-chic black-rimmed glasses and a gray-and-white button-down shirt who was part of the March 15 anti-war protest on the Morrison Bridge. After demonstrators brought traffic to a standstill, our preppy activist hopped on top of a 1983 Mercedes and jumped up and down on its roof, punching the air with his fists and wearing a self-satisfied grin. Sorry to break it to you, man-boy, but trampolining on a geezer's ancient ride isn't bringing us closer to world peace. Anyone with information on the identity of this self-centered poser, feel free to call Portland Police Officer Cory Roberts at (503) 823-0740.