There is a war on Easter. Sure, I could try to sugarcoat it—to disguise the truth in shiny tinfoil—but the truth is that Obama and his fellow socialists want everyone to think this is a holiday about sharing Cadbury eggs with the poor, or hanging on a cross for people who won’t work for health care.
They want us to forget the true meaning of the sacred day—to make it cheap and secular, to forget “outdated” values. But I am not ashamed to be old-fashioned. I am not afraid to say that, however the world may mock and scoff, I testify that some things never change.
Easter is still the Easter Bunny’s birthday.
That’s why this Sunday, April 8, I will make my annual pilgrimage to Aloha in Washington County to visit the Shrine of Harvey—one of the only remaining Easter Bunny temples left in the country. There, I will meet with the faithful few who still remember.
like Felicia, who isn’t afraid to say, extremely loudly, that the gaze
of True Living Rabbit healed her gout. People like Lawrence, who
continues to sing the traditional bunny hymns—how my soul stirs when I
hear his gurgling voice raised in a chorus of “Meet Me in the Middle of
the Hare!”—no matter how many listeners have seizures. We do not care
how the world may laugh. For we know we are loved by our lord and
savior: a giant rabbit that lays eggs.
GO: The Shrine of Harvey is located outside Harvey Marine, 21250 SW Tualatin Valley Highway, Aloha. We will meet at dawn Sunday, April 8.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 4RODRIGO Y GABRIELA
[MUSIC] Mexico’s Rodrigo y Gabriela are the perfect musical sponges, former metalheads who integrate thunder beautifully with classical guitar, creating a percussive and layered mishmash that’s every bit as intricate as a full orchestra. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway Ave. 8 pm. $40 advance, $45 day of show. All ages.
THURSDAY, APRIL 5MARTY
[MOVIES] Ernest Borgnine—yes, the Ernest Borgnine—will attend a screening of the 1955 Best Picture winner where he plays a melancholy butcher looking for love, self-esteem and a good cut of veal. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., 221-1156. 7:30 pm. Free.
FRIDAY, APRIL 6ONCE UPON A TIME IN ANATOLIA
[MOVIES] As the title hints, it’s a kind of Western: A small-town posse (police chief, prosecutor, stenographer and coroner) drive by night through the Turkish steppe, trying to illuminate the shallow grave where a confessed murderer dropped his victim. Cannes darling Nuri Bilge Ceylan zooms toward his actors’ weathered, warped faces for Leone-iconic close-ups, but the showdowns are all internal. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 493-1128. Multiple showtimes. $6-$9.
STANDING ON CEREMONY
[THEATER] Artists Rep presents readings of nine 10-minute plays about same-sex marriage by renowned playwrights including Doug Wright, Paul Rudnick, Moisés Kaufman and Jordan Harrison. Proceeds benefit Basic Rights Oregon. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 10 pm Friday-Saturday. $15.
SATURDAY, APRIL 7
ALPENROSE EASTER EGG HUNT
[EASTER] Alpenrose Dairy has been hosting an
Easter egg hunt every year since 1962. The hunting kicks off at 10:30
am for kids ages 3 to 5, then kids 6 to 8 get their turn at noon. The
“grand prize” (Easter has a winner now?) will be 14 6-foot bunnies and
35 teddy bears. Alpenrose recommends bringing a picnic lunch to enjoy,
while your offspring smear chocolate on their faces. Alpenrose Dairy , 6149 SW Shattuck Road. 10:30 am. Free. This event has been cancelled.
[TRIVIA] An all-Star Wars trivia night to raise money for Free Geek. In attendance will be Portland’s very own Stormtrooper legion, the Cloud City Garrison, and the Unipiper, who will play “The Imperial March” on the bagpipes while dressed as Darth Vader. There will also be a costume contest. The winning team get really fancy lightsabers. Mount Tabor Theater, 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 6 pm. $10. 21+.