Horse races, like sex, are about mostly anticipation. And while the Kentucky Derby—like sex—only lasts two minutes, the elaborate celebrations around racing's biggest event last all day. Once the exclusive domain of the upper crust, any jerk in his or her boxer shorts can now stay home and enjoy the Derby on ESPN. But why not spend this Saturday hobnobbing with other jerks? There are really just a few simple steps to making the Derby—or, as we like to call it, the "Super Bowl of animal cruelty"—your bitch. And, they're off!
Your finest suit is probably not fine enough for the greatest horse race in the world. The Kentucky Derby's website says: "Gentlemen leave their pinstripes at home and instead opt for seersucker suits, light-colored sport coats and the occasional madras plaid jacket." I'm thinking $10 at the Bins and we'll have this sorted.
Women: "Ladies typically wear pastel-colored suits, frilly dresses or bold separates," the Derby's organizers explain. But women of the Derb are also expected to build elaborate, gigantic hats—dubbed "fascinators"—that test the limits of both fashion and neck muscles. You're not just the arm candy of some rich Saudi Prince, you're a trendsetter!
We have a hard time understanding why a horse race needs an official drink, but Derb tradition insists you enjoy a mint julep at the race. There's no great story behind this, but just as you must drink Champagne at weddings and tequila on your 21st birthday, the big race is all about whiskey, sugar and fresh mint.
While the live racing season at
ended last month and there won't be any ponies on offer, the track still goes all out on Derby day. The doors open at 7 am, at which point you can bet on your favorite horses (may we suggest Daddy Nose Best?) and the Meadows will keep feeding you all day with the $35 "Turf Club Buffet."
WEDNESDAY, MAY 2
[MOVIES] Local filmmaker Matt McCormick's deeply moving 76-minute art project retraces a 3,400-mile road trip taken by four single thirtysomething women back in 1958—think
meets an Eisenhower-era
FRIDAY, MAY 4
SATURDAY, MAY 5
SUNDAY, MAY 6