The rover Curiosity lands on Mars this Sunday, bringing us one giant leap closer to colonizing the red planet. If airlines have told us anything, it’s to expect a not-so-distant future where we’re only allowed one carry-on bag and checking fees are enormous. So, what would you bring?
- Skateboard for transportation purposes
- iPhone to stay connected with friends
Bag of beef jerky
Knife to open bag of beef jerky
- Fanny pack to carry knife, iPhone, beef jerky and sunglasses
Enrique E. Andrade
- Shakespeare’s complete works
- Bilingual Bible
- My journal
- Picture of my mother and me
- Kettle bell for exercising a little bit
- Tibetan singing bowl for meditation
- Bose noise-canceling earphones, though I don’t know if the Martians are noisy or not
- Onyx massage ball from Mexico
- My pen collection
- iPad and microphone to record my impressions; hopefully there will be some sort of Wi-Fi, or else I’m in trouble
- Picture of my family
- Statue for praying
- Satellite dish (I’m a news junkie.… OK, it’s so I don’t miss Blazers games)
- iPhone (I can’t live without it)
- GPS (I like to know where I am and how far I’ve gone. It’s a guy thing)
- Air mattress (There are some comforts I won’t go without)
- Skin lotion (I suspect it will be really dry; stolen from my wife)
- Night-vision goggles (You never know what’s up there on the dark side)
- 6-pack of craft brew (It’ll be like currency)
- Reading material
GO: Astronomy Day and Mars landing viewing is at OMSI, 1945 SE Water Ave., 797-4000, on Sunday, Aug. 5. 10 am-4 pm and 9 pm. Free.
THURSDAY AUG. 2GUITAR SHORTY
[MUSIC] He taught Jimi Hendrix how to play with the guitar behind his head and he taught Nils Lofgren how to back-flip without missing a strum. Guitar Shorty is a legend, and he still kills the blues at age 72. Duff’s Garage, 1635 SE 7th Ave. 9 pm. $15. 21+.
FRIDAY AUG. 3CLOWN: THE MOVIE
[MOVIES] This is a movie in which a man poses with a little boy’s micropenis as leverage for blackmail, and also ejaculates in the eye of his sleeping girlfriend’s mother as an attempted gesture of love. If you have no shame whatsoever, you will nonetheless discover it while watching this grotesquely comedic Danish gross-out-with-a-heart-of-gold. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. Multiple showtimes.
[MUSIC] Check your vowels at the door—you won’t be able to decipher speech anyway after experiencing the earth-shaking volume of Smmr Bmmr. This annual garage-rock festival will feature King Tuff, Shannon and the Clams, and Personal and the Pizzas, among others. Plan B, 1305 SE 8th Ave. Friday-Saturday. smmrbmmr.com.
SATURDAY AUG. 4TREK IN THE PARK
[PERFORMANCE] Now in its fourth year, Atomic Arts’ geeky annual performance has outgrown its original Woodlawn Park location and will find a new home at Cathedral Park, under the St. Johns Bridge. This summer’s episode finds the Enterprise en route to a peace conference, with a rogue assassin at large. Cathedral Park, North Edison Street and Pittsburg Avenue. 5 pm Saturdays-Sundays through Aug. 26. Free.
BONES AND BREW FESTIVAL
[BEER] Now in its 18th year, Rogue’s Bones and Brew Festival celebrates the blissful marriage that is barbecue and beer. Along with beers from over 30 craft breweries, there will be a barbecue competition, the kobe bleu ball-eating competition, a charity dog wash and, of course, a lot of barbecue to eat. Green Dragon, 928 SE 9th Ave., 517-0660, pdxgreendragon.com. noon-9 pm Saturday, noon-5 pm. Sunday.
SUNDAY AUG. 5WARPED TOUR
[MUSIC] Ride your skateboard (or your mom’s minivan) down to the Rose Quarter for Warped Tour, which this year features Rise Against, Pierce the Veil, Taking Back Sunday and a bunch of kids who look vaguely like Justin Bieber but are actually totes HRDCRE! Rose Quarter Riverfront, Aegean Lot, North Thunderbird Way. Noon. $31.50. vanswarpedtour.com.