They don't make Zima anymore. I know this because I tried to order the original alcopop at Jones (107 NW Couch St., 971-271-7178, jonesbarportland.com), the new '80s- and '90s-themed dance club in Old Town. The bartender—who may have still been in high school in 2008 when Zima went flat—hadn't heard of it. I was instead given a cocktail of orange Tang and vodka (mostly Tang—$5). No, Jones is not for the old and nostalgic. Rather, it's a dance remix of the Mariah Carey era for a generation weaned on Rihanna. Sadly, not for Nikita, who was turned away at the door, her license confiscated by a bouncer. Inside, she would have found old publicity photos of Madonna and the Friends cast and a casual crowd dancing to sped-up hits of the era. Michael Jackson asks if I remember the time. In fact, I do. Magic Johnson on the gong, right?