No self-respecting Portlander should step foot inside W XYZ (9920 NE Cascades Parkway, 200-5678, wxyzportland.com). Located adjacent to the airport in the lobby of the tacky Aloft Hotel, it’s a bar designed exclusively for people trying to get the hell out of here. Even tourists would balk: Any visitor who’d come all the way to Portland to lodge in the big-box dystopia of Cascade Station clearly doesn’t know how to vacation properly. With its antiseptic neon glow, charmlessly chic decor and smattering of Portlandia memorabilia, it’s more like a detention center for dudes who missed the connecting flight to their buddy’s bachelor party in Vegas and need a place to suck back oversweetened mojitos. I suppose it’s also convenient if you’re looking to get liquored up before wandering around IKEA, but isn’t that what Red Robin is for?