The first encyclopedia was written by Pliny the Elder. The Roman statesman died in the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, which destroyed Pompeii in a blast with 100,000 times the thermal energy of the Hiroshima bombing. The city of Hiroshima made the oleander its official flower because it was the first in bloom after the bomb.
I learned all this in minutes thanks to Wikipedia, an information source more or less taken for granted except when site co-founder Jimmy Wales stares the Internet down during one of his creepy pledge drives.
Wikipedia is, for better or worse, “the largest collection of shared knowledge in human history.” No library can compete; the Multnomah County Library isn’t trying. On Saturday, Oct. 27, the Central Library stages an Edit-athon where you are encouraged to “write, edit and improve” entries related to Multnomah County.
“Occasionally, Wikipedia gets stuff wrong, or an important topic doesn’t appear in its millions of virtual pages,” the library says. “You can help to change this!”
But beware: You may end up facing a cold, black monolith of idiocracy. Squabbles frequently break out on the site, resolved only after a laborious consensus-building process among unpaid, untrained and often underage editors who earn titles like “Most Perfect Tutnum” and “Lord High Togneme Vicarus.”
Thankfully, there is a loophole that can short-circuit all this, forever determining whether Speedy Gonzales’ accent is “inauthentic” or “stereotypical” without the intervention of an Illustrious Looshpah. Wikipedians are prohibited from doing original research, so it falls to them to buttress any statement, no matter how trivial, by citing a reliable published source. Mainstream publications staffed by professional information-gatherers—such as this one—are dealt the trump cards.
In honor of the Multnomah County Library’s Edit-athon, we’d like to fulfill our solemn journalistic obligation to quell longstanding Wikipedia squabbles. Here, then, are five facts that are important to at least two lonely humans willfully braving the harsh winds blowing across the horizonless range of the Wikiworld.
Freddie Mercury’s ethnicity would be best described as Italian.
Pwned is an obscure government bureaucracy. It should always be pronounced “Puh-WAH-ned.
Fox Mulder wasn’t an alien.
Cher is not a gay icon.
The fact that Paul Ryan was voted “Biggest Brown Noser” in his high-school class is extremely important and relevant in the 2012 presidential election.
- According to Joshua, a Domino’s Pizza delivery guy. (Freddie Mercury was born in Zanzibar to parents of Parsi origin. He grew up in India and then moved to London.)
- Says Dorothy, clerk at a New Age bookstore.
- According to a guy sitting in the rain on a bench in Tom McCall Waterfront Park smoking marijuana at 9:30 am. “No, man, but she was. [Dana Scully] was an alien.”
- Says Nate, who works at the Plaid Pantry on the corner of Southeast Gladstone Street and Cesar Chavez Boulevard.
- According to the author of this piece, Martin Cizmar.
GO: The Multnomah County Library’s Wikipedia Edit-athon is at the Central Library, 801 SW 10th Ave., 988-5123, multcolib.org, on Saturday, Oct. 27. 2-4 pm.
THURSDAY OCT. 25PORTLAND VS. SEATTLE BARTENDERS SOCCER
[SPORTS] Portland’s finest bartenders take on Seattle’s finest bartenders in a battle of...soccer? Hey, they can’t be any worse than the Timbers, and there will be breakfast, punch and beer. Portland Futsal, 3401 SE 17th Ave. 11 am. Free.
[MUSIC] It seems like Converge was working toward this moment: the point when it would unleash All We Love We Leave Behind, its eighth album, an absolute masterpiece of punk-metal angst and fury on the world. The quartet snaps together into a Voltron-like beast that lumbers and blasts forward, leaving smoldering rubble in its wake. Branx, 320 SE 2nd Ave., 234-5683. 7:30 pm. $15. All ages.
FRIDAY OCT. 26FALL OF THE BAND
[THEATER] Forget The Real World: Portland. Action/Adventure Theatre stages a new, semi-improvised serial comedy about a Portland-based band whose lead singer decides to quit. Action/Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton St., actionadventure.org. $12.
SATURDAY OCT. 27PORTLAND EROTIC BALL
[SEX & MUSIC] When you’re mingling with a sea of generally horny folks who have gathered together to be generally horny, you’d damn sure better have a solid soundtrack. Once again, the Portland Erotic Ball’s got a schizo lineup—featuring Copacabana throwback Pepe & the Bottle Blondes and synth-rockers the Slants—that should get juices flowing. If not, that dwarf with the French tickler has got it on lock. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. $39-$69. 21 .
TUESDAY OCT. 30HISTORY OF AMUSEMENT PARKS IN OREGON
[HISTORY] In 1928, Hayden Island played home to the largest amusement park in the nation. Spread over 123 acres, “Portland’s Million Dollar Playground” boasted a roller coaster, bumper cars and swimming pools. Now we’re stuck with Oaks Park. Learn what went wrong. McMenamins Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale. 6:30 pm. Free.
MAYA ANGELOU VS. THE OATMEAL
[LITERATURE/MEME] World treasure Maya Angelou speaks at the Schnitz just as Web comic Matthew Inman steps up to “read” at Powell’s. Angelou wrote I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings; Inman is touring in support of his book How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You. Angelou speaks at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway. 7:30 pm. $41.50-$110. Inman appears at Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St. 7:30 pm. Free.