Let’s be honest: You’re not going to remember New Year’s Eve. Any money you spend to get into a show that night will be flushed out of your consciousness and down the toilet on a wave of that last, ill-advised shot of Hornitos. But you’ve still got to go somewhere, right? So why not let the preferences of your soon-to-be-pulverized liver decide where?
CHEAP BEER – QUASI
Sam Coomes and Janet Weiss’ long-running guitar-keys-drum project (now with bass!) doesn’t believe in frivolous bullshit. If you feel the same way about getting blotto, you should spend the final moments of 2012 pounding swill with the kooky aunt and uncle of Portland indie rock. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave. 9 pm. $12 advance, $14 day of show.
CRAFT BEER – WEINLAND’S NEW YEAR’S EVE SUPERGROUP
For the past four years, the indie-folk quintet has spent New Year’s Eve playing covers with its buddies. In a room full of Portland musicians, nobody worth their flannel is allowed to offer a midnight toast while holding a pale ale available in more than two counties. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St. 9 pm. $22 advance, $25 day of show.
MOONSHINE – TWO BEERS VEIRS NEW YEAR’S EVE CELEBRATION
Don’t let Laura Veirs fool you: She might bill herself as “Two Beers Veirs,” but the traditional American folk songs she performs under that name were written on stronger stuff than two measly beers. If’n you’re swiggin’ homemade hooch and lookin’ to party like it’s the Prohibition era, this is where you should head—provided you don’t go blind first. LaurelThirst Public House, 2958 NE Glisan St. 8:30 pm. $25.
OVERPRICED CHAMPAGNE – PINK MARTINI
Thomas Lauderdale’s ballroom swing orchestra is musical luxury porn, so after renting a limousine, dropping a paycheck on dinner at El Gaucho and another C-note to secure the best seats in the Schnitz, it’s totally natural to still feel the compulsion to pop the most expensive bottle of bubbly when the ball drops and pretend you can taste the difference between Cristal and Cook’s. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1111 SW Broadway. 7 and 10:30 pm. $45.50-$105.
A 25-YEAR-OLD BOTTLE OF COLT 45 – EGYPTIAN LOVER
That 40-ouncer you threw in the mini-fridge after the Mantronix gig in 1987 and subsequently forgot about is probably still good, and so is electrofunk sex machine Egyptian Lover, another well-preserved relic of the neon Reagan years. It works every time, in any time! Yale Union, 800 SE 10th Ave. 9 pm. $15 advance, $20 day of show.
PAINT THINNER OUT OF A HOBO’S SKULL – THE MENTORS
Go extreme or go home, right? When partying with these Seattle shock-punk antiheroes, who’ve dealt exclusively in tasteless extremity since the late ’70s, no typical alcoholic beverage will do. Grab some random household chemicals, mix up a fuming cocktail, and ring in 2013 the right way: by wandering around 82nd screaming at parked cars, then losing a knife fight with a mailbox. Red Room, 2530 NE 82nd Ave. 7 pm. $10 “or female nudity.”
WEDNESDAY DEC. 28BACHXING DAY
[CLASSICAL] Three rules: Any Bach. Any instrumentation. Any interpretation. Almost anything goes at one of the city’s most fun holiday music events, Classical Revolution PDX’s celebration of history’s greatest composer. Audience participation welcome. BYO instrument. Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th Ave., 248-1030. 9 pm. $5-$20. 21+.
THURSDAY DEC. 27KING HEDLEY II
[THEATER] Hedley is one of August Wilson’s darkest works. Jade King Carroll directs a forceful production, grounded by a commanding performance by Oregon Shakespeare Festival veteran Peter Macon. Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott St., 205-0715. 7:30 pm. $23-$32.
FRIDAY DEC. 28HÄXAN: WITCHCRAFT THROUGH THE AGES
[MOVIES] Scandinavia has a lock on sinister cinema, and nothing showcases it better than this 1922 silent horror film. Essentially a pictorial study of witchcraft, this version features deadpan narration by William S. Burroughs, but the sadistic images remain as unsettling as ever. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., 238-5588. Midnight. $5.
REVA DEVITO, NATASHA KMETO
[MUSIC] The week between Christmas and New Year’s tends to be a chilly zone, but these two ladies ratchet up the heat index. The sultry, jazzy chanteuse DeVito will have a hard act to follow in the case of Kmeto, a jewel of Portland’s vivacious dance-music scene. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $8. 21+.
FUNNY OVER EVERYTHING
[COMEDY] The popular monthly standup series welcomes home Portland-raised Matt Braunger, ex-MADtv cast member and star of the Web series IKEA Heights, among a zillion other things. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. 8 pm. $10. 21+.
SATURDAY DEC. 29SUPERSUCKERS
[MUSIC] After an extended hiatus, the self-proclaimed “greatest rock-’n’-roll band in the world” is back to touring its live cavalcade of twang, grit and rather fewer laughs than you’d expect. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+.
[SURVIVE] Many things have changed since the Mayan calender flipped. Sneak and fight your way the Rewild Skillshare to learn the ancient storytelling techniques we shall use post-television. The Waypost, 3120 N Williams Ave., 3-5 pm. Bring stories to read. $5-$10 donation suggested. rewildportland.com.