Arm wrestling is the new roller derby. Or such is the idea behind "Honey Badgers & Cobras," a female arm-wrestling battle royale at the Warrior Room kettlebell studio in Milwaukie on Saturday, Sept. 14.

After several months of practice, I found these gladiators have honed their technique to the point they can pin a normal woman in about five seconds. After having my elbow bent back hard and fast, I asked Jody Schreffler (aka Pain Fonda) for a few tips.

1. Look your opponent straight in the eyes. Growl. Freak your opponent out with lunatic pre-match rituals. Head-butting the wall works well.

2. Elbow on the table, upper arm close to your body, knuckles up, body as close to the table as possible. Act like you know what you're doing.

3. Feet on the floor, with right foot forward if you wrestle with your right arm. Butt on the chair if you're standing.

4. Grip hard. Very hard. Hide your thumb underneath your index and middle finger when you grip hard.

5. To avoid injury, the wrestler's body should lean the same way as her arm. Try not to break anything.

6. Go means go. Give it everything you've got right away.

7. Pull downward and toward your body for maximum leverage; don't push your opponent's hand away from your body. Remember rule No. 2—upper arm close to your body.

8. Participate in a match with a referee calling the shots, not some drunken bum who doesn't see your opponent holding on to her leg for leverage.

9. Don't wrestle hung over.

10. Don't wrestle drunk.

GO: Honey Badgers & Cobras is at the Warrior Room, 1928 SE Washington St., Milwaukie,, on Saturday, Sept. 14. 1 pm. General admission $5, $15 to participate in tournament, $1 impromptu matches after official competition. 21+.