Always offer me sex.

I'm pretty sure most people would love to have sex with me, but I'm not a mind reader. Also, it's the polite thing to do.

Always get consent.

Nobody likes surprises. The lovemaking process will move along nicely once all the talking points are covered.


Crucial. Use them.

Be in love.

Only have sex with your one true love. This will help keep things awkward between the two of you forever.

Never break eye contact.

During the act of sex (missionary style, of course) always keep your eyes intensely locked with your partner. It'd be creepy if you didn't.

SEE IT: Har Mar Superstar plays Dante's, 350 W Burnside St., with Fireballs of Freedom, on Wednesday, Oct. 9. 9 pm. $8. 21+.