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Hey there Neighbor,
We hope you're having a GREAT day and enjoying the [sun/drizzle/permanent haze]. As we're sure you know, Portland's a VERY special place. Part of the way we keep it SO SPECIAL is by letting our neighbors know when they could be doing something in a BETTER way. We're really not trying to be "jerks" or "assholes" here, but we happened upon your vehicle and couldn't help but notice that:
□ You parked across two spaces
Curb space is extremely limited in this neighborhood so it would be very helpful if you could confine your automobile to a single space.
□ You parked three feet from the curb
This road is of limited width, and the extra space your car is using could be better used by passing cars or cyclists.
□ You park in front of my house too often
We know we don't own the street or anything, but we have a lot of [children/groceries/musical instruments] and it's SO convenient just to park right in front of our own place.
□ You parked too close to the intersection
When you park your vehicle right up against the stop sign, you block visibility for cars approaching from cross streets. This is very dangerous. Please help us stay safe on Portland's streets.
□ You're blocking a driveway
We use our driveways to gain access to our garages and homes. When you block our driveway with your vehicle it becomes much more difficult to do that.
□ You're from Washington
We all know Washington residency offers certain tax advantages over Oregon residency but, having paid our taxes to live here, we ask that you help us maintain Oregon's high quality of life by remaining on your side of the river unless visiting to purchase goods or services from our local merchants. Please remember that you have your own Best Buy, and your state government REALLY needs you to shop there and pay the required sales tax on your new Blu-Ray player and copy of After Earth.
Thank you SO MUCH for your help with this. We all REALLY appreciate it. Have an AWESOME DAY and good luck in your next parking spot!
Willamette Week