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March 12th, 2014 ORCHID SOURIS ROUGE | Strip Club Guide
 

Strip Club Guide 2014: Clubmandments

There are 10 commandments for pleasing God. There are 12 commandments for not pissing off Orchid Souris Rouge of the Kit Kat Club.

SCG2014_(clubmandments)ILLUSTRATION: Matty Newton





  1. Plan on bringing money and spending it. Strip clubs run on cash. You can use your card to open a tab at the bar and you might come across a dancer who uses Square, but dancers in Oregon rely on tips alone. The DJ will reiterate this fact over the speakers in case you forget. If you’re struggling to meet the minimum dollar-per-song requirement, don’t worry. Our bouncers are happy to come by your seat and strongly encourage you to tip or leave the rack.
  2. If you’re at the rack, give at least $1 per song. Think of a seat at the rack as a “pay-per-view” scenario: you pay, then you get to view. Tipping the minimum, quite honestly, is very rude. If you cannot manage or have no desire to tip at least a handful of dollar bills per song when seated at the rack, a strip club is probably not the place for you. Once you run out of tip money or if you are uninterested in the dancer before you, it is not only polite, but required, that you vacate your seat so someone else who wants to tip the dancers can take your place. Consider how you would feel if someone came into your place of work but refused to pay for your services.
  3. No touching! We are not objects to be handled. We are not slaves who must suffer the whims of our patrons. We are people. Beyond that, it’s against the law for us to allow patrons to touch us. Do not seek to touch, spank, grope or grab any part of a dancer. Some clubs may allow for dancers to sit in patrons’ laps while at their tables, and some clubs may even permit the dancers to give “full friction” lap dances, but you, as the patron, are still not allowed to touch us.
  4. Really though, do not touch the dancers. Female patrons: Being female does not mean you are allowed to touch the dancers. The rules of the club apply to you the same way they apply to male patrons. Before you smack a dancer on the ass or try and “accidentally” brush your hand against her breast when she leans over the rack to pay attention to you, consider how you would feel if a stranger, male or female, touched you sexually without your permission. I have been told by patrons that I’m a horrible tease. To which I would ask: Why would you come into an establishment like a strip club and expect anything other than visual entertainment? There’s a very big difference between strip clubs and brothels. If it is explicit sexual satisfaction you seek, a strip club is not the place for you. You’d be much better off going to a regular bar if you want to take a girl home with you at the end of the night.
  5. Don’t try to meet a stripper outside the club. If I or any other dancer are in the market for someone to go on a date with, someone to share our bed with, or someone to call our boyfriend, we don’t seek such things from the patrons who come to see us. We do not come to work hoping that we’ll be asked out on dates. We do not need “saving” either. So many times I have sat with men who tell me, “You don’t need to do this, let me take care of you.” If we needed taking care of, we’d seek such care. Women who choose to dance are much more independent than society seems to think we are.
  6. Be respectful. We are here to entertain you and provide a fun, laid-back, enjoyable, stress- and worry-free atmosphere to everyone who comes to the club. There’s no need to be rude. This goes for all strip-club patrons, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. If you are of the opinion that strippers are less than human or that you are better than we are, a strip club is not the place for you.

  7. Really, be respectful. Ladies, if you do not want to go to a strip club, then don’t. Dancers deal with enough as it is; the last thing we want to add to that list is rude, disrespectful, dismissive female patrons. Sitting at the rack with your boyfriend and distracting him from the dancer onstage, refusing to tip, getting angry when he tips and so on is not only immature, it’s extremely disrespectful.
  8. Keep it in your pants. If you are so uninterested in the dancer onstage that you need to entertain yourself on your cellphone, go back to your table. If you can’t keep your phone in your pocket, don’t be surprised if a dancer snatches it from you and texts your girlfriend.
  9. No photos, please. Dancers and staff will have no problem confiscating your cellphone, video camera or digital camera. Worry not, we’ll return your device, but it won’t have any pictures left on it.
  10. Are you sure you’ll buy us a drink? Don’t offer to buy a dancer a drink and then complain that it’s too expensive. If you have a drink budget, tell us before we order.
  11. Set your bills on the rack and leave them there. Once the money leaves your hands, it’s no longer yours. Don’t wave your tip at the dancer and expect her to happily ask how she can accommodate you or get mad when a dancer doesn’t want to take money with her mouth or cleavage. Tipping is required and we don’t find it cute when you try to use tips as bait. Also, unless you have precious gold coins, don’t tip with change. Wadding up your bills and throwing them at the dancer is also a no-no.
  12. Don’t be rude when a dancer turns her attention away from you. If you don’t spend money on a dancer, she’ll go find someone who will. We’re at work to make money. 


What Not To Say To A Stripper

“You’re too smart to be a dancer.” Really? I don’t recall intelligence being a trait that dancers don’t have or shouldn’t have. Similar and equally annoying is “You’re too good for this place.” If you think so little of strip clubs, then why are you here?

“Why haven’t you taken your panties off yet?” This is annoying if it’s not even halfway through the first song onstage or in the private dance area. We’ll take our panties off when we feel like it—if we feel like it.

Don’t tell us how to do our job. If you don’t like how we dance, whether or not we do pole tricks or how we choose to collect our tips, then move on to another dancer or find your way home.

“How does your boyfriend/husband/partner feel about you being a dancer?” Ask, but don’t be surprised when a dancer retorts with “How does your girlfriend/wife feel about you being here? Does she even know?” We are not afraid to call you out for being a nosey hypocrite.

“What are you going to do with your life? You can’t dance forever.” Thanks, Dad. I’ll get right on mapping out my life plan and report back to you.

“How much money do you make?” I don’t know, how much money do you make? Oh, you don’t want to tell me? Interesting.

 
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