Fish hatcheries - Losers

The Oregon State Bar pulled the rug out from under critics with the news that it took action against Allan Knappenberger. The notorious divorce lawyer is often cited as a case study in the Bar's toothlessness when it comes to policing the state's lawyers. Last week, however, the Bar suspended Knappenberger for 90 days, suggesting the nabobs of negativism are past their nattering nadir.

Sewage-plant operators snorted in glee at the news that in the olfactory judgment of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, their dioxin-tainted fecal matter does not stink. Last week the feds decided to, eh, can a proposal to limit the use of poisonous sewage sludge as farmland fertilizer.

Proponents of the Multnomah County People's Utility District (see our endorsement, left) won a major victory in federal court on Friday, when a judge ruled that ballot language grossly overstated--by a factor of 10,000 or so--the cost of forming a PUD.

Reporting by The Oregonian prompted smiles from the beleaguered fans of the Mount Tabor reservoirs. The daily found that, contrary to City Hall's claims, capping the reservoirs is not required to secure the city's water supplies against would-be poisoners. Nor are the 50- to 100-foot setbacks the project's consultant says are necessary if the caps aren't placed.

LOSERS

The Washington County Sheriff's Office did little to shake its Keystone Kops reputation, as it emerged the department "misfiled" reports of sexual abuse in the case of the Beaverton teenager who ran away with her softball coach. America's colorful bounty hunters, meanwhile, cheered the display of official incompetence.

Students and social-service clients in Multnomah County took a gut-punch when it was revealed the county will collect far less money than expected from its vaunted local-option property tax. No word on whether the county will hit up its new head librarian for the cash.

Fish hatcheries cringed after hearing independent experts report their finned crops are hurting natural, native gilled creatures.

The Red Sox Nation, Portland Chapter and North Side Chicago transplants filled the air with anguished cries last week as baseball's two most lovable clubs went down in flames. The Forces of Darkness cackled in their lair as the evil New York Yankees advanced to the World Series.