love... IMAGE: BWANA SPOONS

Music and love are like Batman and Robin. Batman, like music, can stand on his own and kick some serious ass. Robin, like love, is a bit of a pain in the ass, and when he's all you got, honestly, you're done for. But for some reason, Batman and Robin, like love and music, need each other. Local clubs know this and have scheduled an overwhelming number of interesting shows for Valentine's night. To help you decide what show to see, take this very scientific WW quiz, grab your love muffin and go.

Score yourself accordingly: A = 3 points, B = 2 points, C = 1 points, D = 0 point. Add 'em up and check your score below.

1. You're at the movies with your squeeze. You lean in close and whisper...

A) "I'm tired of being what you want me to be."

B) "I'm wearin' my sweat vest once again."

C) "I count the reasons why you're near, 'cause you've never known me."

D) "Lick the strings, you silly little kid, I think I'm falling in love."

2. You give your other half an LP to show your love. What's an LP?

A) A temporary Linkin Park tattoo from Hot Topic.

B) Well, obviously, LP stands for Longer Penis.

C) That's Kraftwerk's Electric Cafe LP that I bought for $1.99.

D) Oops, I meant to say LD, a Lap Dance.

3. You yell "Hoobastank!" when...

A) You're telling your date who those grunge wannabes on stage are.

B) You score.

C) You don't ever yell "Hoobastank."

D) You were drunk and role-playing with your boy/girlfriend. What you meant to say was, "Who's your skank?"

4. You and your pumpkin's idea of a romantic locale is...

A) A massive, vacuous concert hall with horrible acoustics and no real makeout potential.

B) Any place you can get a beer, make out and then spit on the band--without moving.

C) America doesn't have any.

D) Any place with a cheap beer and good lighting.

5. If there was one thing you could change about your snookie-ookums, it would be his/her...

A) Family history. I'd like to spice his/her life up with more emotional strife and painful alienation.

B) Underwear. Who needs underwear?

C) Geography. I hate this country.

D) Nothing, whatev.

6. If you're feeling blue over a lost love, what do you do?

A) Put on your headphones and head down to Hot Topic for some conspicuous consumption.

B) Find another one.

C) Avoid cheer. Being in a perpetual state of depression is your kind of shtick.

D) If you're a girl, you throw a slumber party, equipped with pillow fights and nail polish. If you're a guy, you find the party and pray you haven't missed the pillow fight.

7. On special occasions, when you're willing to splurge on the drinks, they're usually...

A) Red, white, blue and bought by your big brother.

B) A gateway to immoral behavior.

C) A local microbrew.

D) A round of fruity shots--a couple for everyone.

8. When you want to look good while prowling for hotties, you usually slip into...

A) A false state of depression.

B) That little number on top of the dirty-clothes pile in your room.

C) You're currently rolling your eyes, convincing yourself that appearance doesn't matter.

D) Something that looks effortless--but isn't.

9. Valentine's Day is...

A) A reason to cry.

B) A good day to die.

C) A bullshit marketing scheme that was put into place by all of the corporate bastards over at the Hallmark headquarters.

D) While you agree with C, you can't help but want to buy boxes of Sweethearts for all your friends.

10. If forced--at gunpoint--to purchase a V-Day gift for your sweet pea, it would be...

A) A faux-leather wristband with safety studs I bought at Hot Topic.

B) I don't know, but it's got to be made out of rubber and dishwasher-friendly.

C) Something totally unrelated to the holiday because anything else would be giving in to "the machine."

D) Something V-Day-related--as a joke, of course.

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Key:

0-7 The All Girl Summer Fun Band at Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside St., 239-5900. 8 pm. $6 per person, $10 per couple. All ages.

8-15 Notwist at Dante's, 1 SW 3rd Ave., 226-6630. 10 pm. $10 advance, $12 door. 21+.

16-23 Fireballs of Freedom at Ash Street, 225 SW Ash St., 226-0430. 9 pm. Cover. 21+.

24-30 Linkin Park at Memorial Coliseum, 1401 N Wheeler Ave., 235-8771. 7 pm. $40+ advance (Ticketmaster). All ages.