Chances are you missed The King at the Spirit Mountain Casino last month. On the last Thursday in January, Elvis impersonator Trent Carlini entertained a few hundred warm bodies with an hour and a half of "Presley Through the Years." Sadly, this spectacle lasted only one night. I know, I know--there goes your chance to catch a little Vegas in the Tillamook forest.

Well, not quite.

This week, Mr. Las Vegas--a.k.a. Wayne Newton--breaks free from his residence at the Stardust Resort and Casino for a two-night run at the Spirit Mountain's Coyote Club, just in time for Valentine's Day.

If the Elvis show is any indication, there are things you should consider before setting foot inside the Coyote Club. Here are three talking points:

1. The Coyote Club is no club. Rather, it's a vast auditorium with pretty terrible acoustics, a 21-and-over admission policy and no booze whatsoever. For a drink before the show (which you'll definitely want), head to the casino's bar, Summit View.

2. Behold the CC's big-screen TVs. At the Elvis show, the two screens weren't there for a closer look at the performer (or his package, which appeared, shall we say, enhanced) but to bide time during costume changes. Expect video of Newton's work as a USO ambassador while he gears up for another round of classics.

3. The screaming fans aren't annoying--they're a blessing. They take some of the glory away from the big guys on stage--and that's not always a bad thing, as rumor has it Newton's vocal chords ain't what they used to be. Besides, these are people who don't leave the house all that often. They're prone to running up to the stage to flirt with the performers. Plus they're a committed lot: They usually won't return to their seats until they're told. Fiddlesticks, I say--let them do their thing.

As for Mr. Vegas himself, you'll have to let him do his thing, too. Good luck, brave souls--get thee to the Casino!

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Spirit Mountain Casino, 27100 SW Salmon River Highway, Grand Ronde, 800-760-7977. Wayne Newton appears Thursday and Friday, Feb. 12-13. 7 pm. $35-$45. 21+.