Stylemakers' Predictions 2099

What will Portlanders wear in the future? According to 15 of today's tastemakers, we will cover up in everything from copper to kudzu-vine hula skirts to self-healing nanofabrics.

* I can see the young men of America letting their nut sacks hang out. It's an excellent way for young men to flaunt their masculinity, as well as a highly effective way to piss off their parents. Eric Mast, artist/musician/model/buyer at Ozone
* It's all about pennies. American greed and money lust won't allow them to toss them to the wayside, so we'll make them a fashion item.... Copper is like a suit of armor, baby. Erin Kane, Acting Director, Oregon Council for the Humanities
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I have some ideas for future fashion, but I am unable to disclose them because they may form the basis of a fashion line some friends and I will develop. You'll just have to wait for the runway show. Jeremy Bittermann, Advertising Director, Plazm Media
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My future prediction is a stone-cold fact! People will be assigned a specific shade of color that corresponds to the region in which they live. DJ Gregarious, Gypsy fortune teller
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You know those blankets that fold up into a pillow? Fashion will be resourceful like that. Also, no one will be making plastics anymore, but all the recycled plastics will be woven into fibers to make clothing. Noelle Williams, high-school student
* Everyone will be personally sponsored for being the best at what they do--slackers, hobos and lawyers alike. Look for big corporate sponsorship. Aqua-Net will make a comeback. Scott Patt, shoe designer, Nike
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If today were tomorrow, I might slip into some living skin pants, or wrap a swath of skin 'round my shoulders. When I feel lonely, I sport a personalized jacket made from the skin of the one I love. Nichole van Beek, photo assistant, Photocraft
* Our love of animals, mascots and Disney characters will be given full voice when genetic manipulation will allow us to look like Furbies. You will ride the bus next to the cowardly lion. Timon will serve you coffee at Starbucks. A manlike sloth will service your jet car. Human parrots will sing karaoke. Justin Valdes, Web architect
* Gold pants and big hair. "Why?" Because I am 98 years before my time!!! Amy O'Rourke, CEO, Pets Are People Too
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Smart-garments stitched with self-healing nanofabrics will be the playground rage. Those little mess monsters will never again endure long afternoons embarrassed by "accidents"--as protein-munching nanofibers will be hard at work, cleaning grass-stained knees, catsup-filled laps, and yes, lapping up the 'number one' grade-school trouser mishaps. Boyd Ackerman, graphic designer
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There will be an increase in usage of synthetic fabrics as resources for cotton and wool decline.... The fabrics will probably consist of smart microfibers that will adapt to body temperature, complement skin tone and help to increase comfort zone with ambient responses, e.g., releasing aromatherapeutic scents to calm or motivate oneself. Anitra Richardson, Strategic Marketing Manager, CMD
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Kudzu-vine hula skirts will be very much in style, as this non-native vine will have certainly taken over greater Portland by then and it will be up to the fashion elite to save the city. Anna Fidler, artist/Sensualist
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In 100 years, Portland will have already surpassed the great European cities such as Milan and Paris in terms of worldwide fashion trendsetting, only to regress into an abyss of self-consciousness and obsolescence. People are gonna wear more leaves and moss...it's a cyclical thing. Ahren Lutz, dishwasher and PS What? founder
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Hats will be in. Ozone depletion is real. Though ear and nose-tip reconstruction will be performed on an outpatient basis, most Americans will prefer a fedora to malignant melanoma. Medical-school enrollment will plummet as the nation's brightest kids pursue lucrative careers in hatting. No head will be left uncovered. Ian Camp, copywriter
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Hair will be paramount as a sign of masculinity and no hair as a sign of femininity. For men: the more the better. Full, thick beards, hairy-chested Big Daddy icons of masculinity will rule. For women: Complete hairlessness. Shaved & Naired from head to toe. Jason Thome, public relations, Dr. Martens

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