Why Marriage Matters

Last Monday, when I ran into him again at Starbucks, I was shocked to see how different he looked. He was still brandishing his killer smile, yet he was slurring his words slightly. And his eyes, still bright, seemed worn. I also noticed he was having trouble lifting his right arm.

He told me: "I had a stroke." I wondered how this could have happened to someone who is only 42 years old.

When I heard the rest of his story, that's when I realized that it wasn't just suffering a medical catastrophe at such a young age that made Bocci's story one for our times. For a gay man in a health crisis, Bocci benefited from incredible luck in timing.

You see, David Bocci is a married man. On March 4, 2004, he wed Chris Bidwell, 41, at the Keller Auditorium. Bocci and Bidwell claim they are just an ordinary pair among the thousands of same-sex couples who benefited from the window of nuptial opportunity Multnomah County opened this spring.

Bocci works for a publishing company, while Bidwell is the branch manager for an Internet stock brokerage. Bidwell also happens to be a member of one of Portland's most prominent families, as his father is power broker and Neil Goldschmidt confidant Jerry Bidwell.

While Bidwell claims they're just an ordinary couple, "not part of the 'A' gay crowd," what happened to this couple was extraordinary. And what their story reveals is how the fight for gay marriage can be a matter of life and death.

After Bocci was rushed to the hospital in May, officials needed a family member to authorize his medical treatment. Getting consent from his mother, who lived over an hour away, would have wasted valuable time. When the doctor asked who could sign the forms, Bidwell stepped right up. "I will," he said, and claimed his legal status. "I'm his spouse."

With that move, according to Bocci's doctor, Bidwell apparently became the first man in Oregon to sign a consent form for a same-sex partner. Bocci is now well on his way to recovery, the couple claims, because Bidwell was able to authorize treatment so quickly.

And that's why gay marriage matters. You don't have to agree, or even try to understand, why same-sex couples would want their unions to be recognized by the state, but you can't deny that having full legal status could make a difference in medical emergencies. It sure did for Bocci and Bidwell.

I admire that Bocci and Bidwell, who call themselves "ordinary," who say they would normally choose to stay out of the spotlight, are willing to share their story. And I understand why the No on Constitutional Amendment 36 campaign, battling the ballot initiative that would ban gay marriage, would want to promote this story.

Here's a simple way to say it: Straight people, if you let us take care of each other, we are going to save you a lot of money in health-care costs during medical emergencies. That sounds like a win-win situation.

Can there be a more compelling argument to vote down this misguided constitutional amendment? Gay marriage has the power to save lives.