IMAGE: BASIL CHILDERS

Some airborne inflatables, however, deserve immediate dispatch from the sky via heat-seeking shoulder-launched missiles. You can stick the City of Portland's roguish oh-by-the-way idea to demolish PGE Park in that category.

The notion of taking a wrecking ball to the downtown ballpark--which YOU, humble citizen, own, and which YOU, honored taxpayer, shelled out $38 million to renovate just four short years ago--surfaced last weekend. The city released its "finished" $350 million plan to finance the seduction of a major league baseball team.

The latest new wrinkle: tear down PGE Park, redevelop the land and shift $13 million in hotel and car taxes now used to pay off stadium renovation debt to the big-league slush fund.

Never mind that at least one of PGE Park's major tenants, Portland State University, was caught completely off-guard by the idea, which would force Portland's largest educational institution to hunt out new homes for its gridiron and women's soccer teams. "It would put us in a tough spot," says PSU athletics director Tom Burman. "We'd never heard of this possibility before."

Never mind that the Portland Timbers, the independent A-League soccer team that draws more fans per game than baseball's Padres-affiliated Beavers, would likewise be homeless or, at least, Hillsboro-bound. (And that a downtown venue that's proven a successful host to international soccer events would go buh-bye.)

Never mind that wrecking the former Civic Stadium would amount to yet another public sacrifice in a trawl for a big-league team, which looks more and more like the grand opening of a publicly funded candy store.

And never mind that after the announcement, the Rumor Mill suggested that demolishing the park would most benefit the Schnitzer clan, which owns a lot of property in the area and has long disliked the arena.

We're all for thinking outside the box. But when it comes to taking a sledgehammer to a public treasure--that's when our metaphors go ballistic.