Like a scalp massage from Lucifer.

The Chinook Nation managed to appear principled--and remind everyone they still exist--when they pulled out of next year's Lewis and Clark bicentennial celebration in protest. The Chinooks, who aided the explorers through a tough winter two centuries ago, complained that the organizers of the event botched historical details, embraced an illegitimate rival tribe and bogarted the last hits off the peace pipe.

Washingtonians finally have a governor in Republican Dino Rossi--but by the unbelievably anorexic margin of 42 votes out of 2.8 million total ballots cast, according to a machine recount. Democrat Christine Gregoire will demand a hand recount later this week, which may take as long as two weeks and cost the state Democratic Party $700,000, or 25 cents per vote.

After a distinguished career in the Oregon Legislature and three terms as Stumptown's mayor, Vera Katz will also become part of the city's geography. In honor of her honor, the City Council voted to rename the Eastbank Esplanade after the retiring mayor, thus recognizing one of the unambiguous successes of Katz's tenure and inspiring feelings of warmth and tingliness throughout the city.

LOSERS

Fred Meyer felt more carved up than the turkeys it sold last week, after a class-action lawsuit accused the 130-store chain of bilking its carnivorous customers. The suit, filed by one of the company's former meat-department managers, claims Chez Kroger has overcharged meat buyers for years by including the weight of packaging materials in the total cost of its flesh products--resulting in an average overcharge of 16 cents, according to an independent study.

Skipping Global Studies class will soon land Pendleton teens in the Umatilla County Juvenile Department: Starting Jan. 3, aimless adolescents will face a daytime curfew during school hours. The buzz-killing ordinance is the brainchild of Pendleton top cop Stuart Roberts, who believes truancy leads to drug use, gang violence, shoplifting and leaving the toilet seat up.

'Twas a tough Thanksgiving for local money manager and former Republican gubernatorial candidate Craig Berkman. According to The Oregonian, investors in three of his venture-capital funds--including Lewis & Clark College--are calling for Berkman to be replaced because of substantial hits to their portfolios.

WWeek 2015