School kids owe three cheers to new Oregon Lottery director Dale Penn, who last week proposed cutting taverns' commissions nearly in half on video slot machines. Unlike previous directors, Penn seems to understand that the lottery exists—at least in theory—to serve education, parks and economic development, not bar owners.

Kevorkian-haters, religious zealots and Ashcroft fans scored a big victory when the U.S. Supreme Court announced it will consider a Bush administration appeal against Oregon's Death with Dignity Act. If the Court sides with Dubya, Oregon doctors could find themselves in hot water for prescribing lethal drugs to terminally ill patients.

Dungeness crabs are taking over the Pacific off the Oregon shoreline, with annual catch numbers doubling. With a no-limit policy, you and your beer buddies can join in the crabbing fun, loading up with as many delectable crustaceans (6.25 inches or wider) as your pots can capture.

LOSERS

Maria Concepcion Bustos-Ortiz, a Mexican national who lives in Vancouver, Wash., had successfully ferried her precious parcel through customs at PDX when an agent noticed her nervously pacing by the baggage carrousel. X-rays of her box revealed three Western saddles concealing 13 pounds of meth. Street value: $225K! It was the Portland airport's first big meth bust, and her 13th trip to Mexico in a year and a half.

The only interesting incident during last week's Howard Dean-Richard Perle showdown at the Schnitz came when a disgruntled audience member hurled a shoe (and a lot of invective) at Perle. Did the shoe-chucker do more to discredit lefties by interrupting a civilized debate with a piece of meaningless theater? Or by missing the Iraq war architect not once, but twice? We report, you decide.

Were they wearing a matching pair of "What Would 'Sheed Do?" bracelets? Last week two Oregon State football players allegedly attempted to cover a $14 taxi ride with marijuana, then booked without paying anything at all. The two were arrested at an off-campus apartment.

Ex-SAIF boss Kathy Keene got a slap from staff at the state ethics commission, which found that she broke the law by failing to register as a lobbyist when she was running Oregon's workers'-comp system. Keene resigned under pressure in 2003. The ethics czars will rule on the staff's findings this week.