I held a gun long before I held down solid food.
Reared in a place where the Second Amendment was used as a tool to bond fathers and firstborn males, my own pistol-packin' pa loved nothing better than to watch me collect up the bloody, dead things he shot out of the sky. Due to those misty, watercolored memories I still have a passion for firearms: I hate the dirty rats.
That's why, when I heard about the Pink Pistols, I panicked. This gun-toting group aimed at g/l/b/t'ers was founded in Boston last year by Douglas Krick, a "polyamorous bisexual who favors a Glock .40." The group is open to people of all orientations.
While the mere existence of this caliber-crazed group freaks me out, the new PDX chapter (two weeks old, 10 members strong) seems even weirder. But, as with girl-boobies, I'm intrigued by what I don't understand.
Although I was unable to attend a PP meeting (canceled--shoot!), I did meet its leader, Noah Johnson. A 24-year-old Reed College sophomore, Noah is straight--and, get this, the son of the founder of hippie life manual Whole Earth Catalog, Stewart Brand.
Huh? So how does a Berkeley-raised het boy get hooked up with a group of gay gun owners in Oregon?
"Gun control is not a liberal issue," says Noah. "It's a conservative issue that's wandered over the aisle, and is too afraid to ask for directions back."
Well, that cute answer might work with 20-year-old Reedie girls, but I asked Noah to cut the gun-control crap, and give this guns-for-gays stuff to me "straight."
"Shooting is fun," says Johnson. "The appeal of this group is that it serves to break down stereotypes. There's a lot of armed liberals out there. I wanted to find a group that wasn't dominated by the broad political rhetoric of the National Rifle Association."
Yeah, but when did queer folks start needing a loaded phallic symbol to feel safe? I thought we killed our enemies with our piercing wit, not a hollow-point to the chest.
"I didn't grow horns when I shot a gun," says Noah, "and [queers] won't either."
Johnson believes guns are machines that we have wrongly invested with talismanic powers. He even says he found it much harder to come out as a gun owner than to be gay-friendly. He says that if we ban guns it will not make them go away, and "wouldn't it be in the best interest of [queers] to protect themselves by packing something?"
I have to disagree. I know a gun in my hand is a dangerous thing. Just the sight of one makes my digits fidget. I can't help it. In gay playwright Paul Rudnick's new play, Rude Entertainment, someone says, "Maybe the world is divided into two groups: the people who can kill other people, and the people who wish they could."
I'd prefer to be in the latter. At least in these post-apocalyptic times of ours I won't get anything on my shirt.
Pink Pistols Training
This is the final NRA First Steps Pistol Orientation of the year.
Johnson Creek Gun Club, 7200 SE Lamphier St.,
231-1279, www.pinkpistols.org . 10 am-2 pm Saturday, Nov. 3. $35.
Black and White Ball
One of the biggest drag events of the year, the "Black and White Ball" celebrates the crowning of the new Imperial Rose Court monarchs and the steppin' down of her royal highness, The Lovely Suzanne. It's a gas.
Melody Ballroom, 615 SE Alder St.,
6 pm Saturday, Oct. 27. $30-$35.
Mr. Bill's 5th Annual Mad Scientist Party
Mr. Bill hosts his annual Halloweenie weekend tea party. Expect stripper madness, "test tube" shooters, audience science projects and so much more.
Silverado, 1217 SW Stark St., 224-4493. 2 pm Sunday, Oct. 28.
Portland Men's Talk
A group of gay men "seeking to strengthen the well-being of our community" have planned a session that will include a meet-and-greet and planning session for more...men's talk.
First Congregational Church, 1137 SW Broadway, 247-7139. 7 pm Wednesday, Oct. 24.
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