Every year, Austin, Tex., is host to literally thousands of bands during the giant annual press conference and music fest that is South by Southwest (SXSW). This year (like most), a good assload of those artists were from Portland. Here's what they had to say:

Bill Niese, The Misfats (a prediction): We will awe [Austin] with our ninja-trained, über-secret gastronomical technique as applied to barbecue consumption. We will drive their women love-crazy with our sexy, jiggly, fish-white bellies.

Fred Thomas, Saturday Looks Good to Me: This year, focused more on the sense of general mayhem and lawlessness that goes [with] trying to organize and control something as ridiculous as 3,500 bands playing simultaneous shows for tens of thousands of music-industry weirdos and suits, not to mention innocent music fans. Every show I've gotten into has been by what we call "pulling a move": pretended to be the bass player for Beirut (I had to get onstage) and pretended not to speak English so I couldn't understand the doorman yelling at me for running into a fully sold-out Deerhunter show.

Arrington de Dionyso, Old Time Relijun: Today we'll have meetings with publicists and a cable-access TV show where I will do karaoke versions of Lionel Richie with a Muppet.

Laura Gibson: When I go to parties, I usually hang out in the corner by the snack table. SXSW is the biggest party I have ever been to. There are no snack tables, just really long lines for pizza and hot dogs. During my initial walk down 6th Street, I felt like a librarian navigating an MTV spring-break special.

Matt Sheehy, Gravity and Henry: I met David Byrne [and] almost soiled myself. I learned what it means to have something done "Texas style," and I don't like it.

Michael Dean Damron: I was in the van with Steph [Smith] from Kleveland, and some rock star threw garbage on [her] lap. She got out and said, "Now you have my undivided attention, motherfucker," and tore into his ass. We've been yelled at, "Go home!" and rushed on- and offstage like cattle. Austin is a great town. It's just SXSW is a waste of time.

Joe Haege, 31Knots: Austin is very reminiscent of Portland. People bike around and eat healthy food. They have a pedestrian-only bridge; however, I will take no humidity in place of a pedestrian bridge any day! [Austin] is also home to Whole Foods. I was quite excited to go there because I like food that is not going to give me more forms of cancer than I already have coming to me. Then I remembered I didn't have any money. [Overall], people were nice—and there was pizza with jalapeños!

Read more reports from SXSW (which took place in Austin, Tex., March 9-18) written by Portland musicians at LocalCut.com.