WINNERS

Addition by subtraction last week for U.S. Sen. Gordon Smith (R-Ore.). U.S. Rep. Peter DeFazio's announcement that he won't run in the 2008 Senate Democratic primary means Smith dodges an Oregon Democrat with proven appeal outside Portland. Now all Smith has to explain are his shifting views on Iraq.

After sneaking a salmon from a touchy fisherman's line last week, the world's toughest sea lion took two bullets to the head—and swam away from his Sauvie Island hangout. State and federal wildlife agencies have asked for civilian help finding the wounded animal—so he can begin work on his rap album.

Charter-school activist Rob Kremer and other opponents of meaningless educational fads celebrated an overwhelming House vote to kill the certificates of initial and advanced mastery, a.k.a. CIM/CAM. See, you'd never heard either about those emblems of Oregon's failed education-reform effort.

Oregon pedestrians may soon tell cars to "talk to the hand" at intersections. A bill passing the state Senate last week would mandate that motorists stop for anyone who raises an arm in a crosswalk. Eyebrow-raisers would still be run down on sight.

LOSERS

Lincoln High kids are snorting away the west side's squeaky-clean reputation. On April 21, The Oregonian reported on Lincoln football star Kraig Crow's fatal cocaine overdose last year, aided by two of his drug-dealing schoolmates. That followed coverage in February of three Lincoln students who were robbed while selling a half-pound of pot. Perhaps a new class—Recreational Drug Use 101?

From vandalizing executives' SUVs to alleged poop-flinging on Schumacher Furs property, the stunts of publicity-crazed animal-rights groups like Animal Liberation Front are quickly coming back to haunt them. Schumacher Furs filed a federal suit against the group last week. And don't forget that FBI terrorist label....

The terrorists have already won! According to The Oregonian, publicly funded TriMet is hiding ridership data from transit watchers based on a flimsy national security excuse. The stats, argues TriMet, could help terrorists pick crowded transit targets. London, Madrid—see the pattern? We're clearly next.