Damn: This is what a cyclist’s unhelmeted head did to a Nissan Xterra. IMAGE: Pete Levno

In one recent, well-publicized car vs. bike road-rage case, the driver was drunk. In another, the cyclist was looped. Booze probably had more to do with each conflict than the number of wheels involved.

But we wondered, what might happen if a reporter had a few beers before hopping on a bike during research for a drunken-bicycling story? He might:

• Forget to signal.

• Lose a flip-flop.

• Turn around in the lane to retrieve the flip-flop, instead of pulling over.

• Accidentally head the wrong way up a one-way street.

Or, he could run into more serious consequences—mangled like the poor 22-year-old cyclist who crashed into Pete Levno’s Nissan Xterra one late weekend night in April. As Levno waited at a red light on Southwest Morrison Street at 7th Avenue, several cyclists blew past his SUV in the bike lane on the right. But one cyclist, who wasn’t in the bike lane, hit Levno’s car from behind at what police estimated was 40 mph, shattering the rear window and pushing the SUV forward a couple of feet.

“He was not wearing a helmet. I’ve never seen that much blood,” Levno told WW. “There was glass everywhere.”

According to the police report, the bicycle was totaled and the cyclist sent to OHSU Hospital for treatment of “head injuries and lacerations.” Officers didn’t test him for intoxication (which is why we’re withholding his name). But, says Levno, “all the police officers I talked to figured that the only reason he survived was that he was wasted.”

According to the Federal Highway Administration, one in four cyclists who dies on the road had a blood-alcohol concentration of at least .08 percent—the legal limit in Oregon.

Levno, an occasional cyclist, admits to riding after a drink. He figured it was safer than driving—but changed his mind after seeing what the cyclist’s body did to his car.

Portland lawyer Ray Thomas, author of Pedal Power: A Legal Guide for Oregon Bicyclists, says tipsy cyclists are, in one sense, making a “wise choice.” “Instead of getting behind the wheel of a car, [they’re] taking the bike home,” says Thomas. Of course, “it would be better to walk, or to take the bus.”

With that in mind, here’s the legal lowdown on drunken cycling and what you should do if you’ve had a couple and are considering a ride home:

IS DRUNKEN CYCLING ILLEGAL?

YES. “Most people don’t realize it’s illegal to ride a bicycle drunk in the right of way,” says Portland Commissioner Sam Adams, who runs the city transportation office. But in fact, Oregon law says “a bicycle is a vehicle” and cyclists have “the same rights and duties as the driver of any other vehicle.” Translation: You can get charged with a DUII for cycling under the influence—though this almost never happens (see fact box).

IS IT OK IF YOU’RE ON THE SIDEWALK?

IT’S STILL ILLEGAL. “We can’t advise people to ride their bikes, if they’re a little tipsy, on the sidwalk,” says Thomas, the bike lawyer. “But we could tell them there’s not a DUII for walking, even in an impaired fashion.”

CAN YOU LOSE YOUR DRIVER’S LICENSE FOR DRUNKEN BIKING?

YES, FOR REPEAT OFFENSES. Again, it’s just like a DUII.

CAN YOU BE BANNED FROM CYCLING?

THEORETICALLY. “There’s nobody who’s ever been a habitual offender and lost their right to ride,” says Thomas. “Generally speaking, those people tend to take themselves out of the system by having something horrible happen to them.... Unfortunately, a bicycle is one of the few vehicles that makes it so you are more dangerous to yourself than to others,” Thomas says. So, whatever you do, helmets are a good idea.

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FACT: Portland police busted 1,032 motorists for drunken driving between January and June 2008. In the same period, only “one or two” cyclists were charged with DUII, according to Fred Lenzser, senior deputy district attorney for Multnomah County. This is in line with last year’s figures. Portland Police Lt. Bryan Parman says cyclists “kinda cruise below the surface.”