Unmasked

REAL NAME: Erik. Also known as "The Angel of Music."

OCCUPATION: Composer, singer and inventor. And killer.

ORIGIN OF DISFIGUREMENT: Birth defect leaving exposed bone and extensive scarring.

WHERE HE WENT WRONG: Double homicide, abduction, extortion, vandalism, criminal mischief.

WHAT WE COULD HAVE DONE: As a child, Erik's parents despised him and forced him into a freak show. That was wrong. The correct response would have been to love and nurture their unique child. Also, if Christine, upon removing Erik's mask, had looked into his eyes and smiled rather than screaming and attempting to flee his lair, he might not have killed Buquet and Piangi. A little kindness goes a long way.

REAL NAME: Victor Von Doom.

OCCUPATION: Supervillain, King of Latveria, former sctience whiz.

ORIGIN OF DISFIGUREMENT: While in college with Reed Richards (a.k.a. Mr. Fantastic), he attempted some "crazy science shit," blowing up a lab and sustaining unknown facial injuries. He blames Richards.

WHERE HE WENT WRONG: Murder, conspiracy, war crimes, world domination and stealing souls from hell, among other crimes.

WHAT WE COULD HAVE DONE: Dr. Doom's troubled, fictional home country, Latveria, was bound to produce a supervillain eventually. We could have instituted a puppet democracy there long before Victor Von Doom took over as its evil monarch. But nooo, you wanted to try "diplomacy."

REAL NAME: Harvey Dent..

OCCUPATION: Supervillain, former D.A. of Gotham City..

ORIGIN OF DISFIGUREMENT: He first appears in Detective Comics No. 66 (August 1942), in which a crook throws acid on half of his face. In The Dark Knight, half of Dent's face falls into a pool of acid, which...oh, just go see the movie.

WHERE HE WENT WRONG: It all depends on the flip of his prized possession: his lucky coin.

WHAT WE COULD HAVE DONE: Bipolar and paranoid schizophrenic Dent, who suffers from multiple-identity disorder, was also a victim of an abusive father. That was wrong. We could have treated his depression pharmaceutically. Also, Batman should have looked him in the eyes and smiled. Seriously.

REAL NAME: Justin McLeod.

OCCUPATION: Recluse, ex-schoolteacher, possible child molester.

ORIGIN OF DISFIGUREMENT: Crashed his car while driving a student who loved him. The boy died; McLeod was run out of town.

WHERE HE WENT WRONG: Depends on the version of the story. In Mel Gibson's movie, his mistake is getting into situations where people think he likes to fondle young boys. In Isabelle Holland's novel, his mistake is that he likes to fondle young boys.

WHAT WE COULD HAVE DONE: Let him sit in his seaside house and read The Merchant of Venice to the occasional lad. Hath not a possibly child-molesting burn victim eyes? If you tickle him, does he not laugh?

REAL NAME: Vern Bogner.

OCCUPATION: Geek Love's supermarket produce manager, bodyguard of Arturo the Aqua Boy.

ORIGIN OF DISFIGUREMENT:After blowing away his ex-wife Emily, Bolger turned his 30.06 rifle on himself. He missed, leaving most of his face a bloody wet hole.

WHERE HE WENT WRONG: Where didn't he? Taking pot shots at a pair of conjoined twins, an albino dwarf and a limbless boy; murder; stalking; attempted rape; general creepiness.

WHAT WE COULD HAVE DONE:Unfulfilled by work, belittled by his wife and kids, Bogner was unable to exist in a world where "freaks" were accepted. If only dad had praised his subpar rifle skills, Bogner's thirst for carnie carnage might never have manifested itself.