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October 22nd, 2008 | Headout
 

You’re A Lebowski, I’m A Lebowski

Fuck it, Dude, let’s go bowling…for a cause.

     
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For 10 years, the Coen Brothers’ hippie film-noir classic, The Big Lebowski, has dominated cult-film quotations. Now RideOn—a designated-driver service that’ll drive you home in your own Gran Torino after too many Caucasians—presents its Lebowski Achievers Bowl fundraiser. There’ll be Lebowski trivia and ample Creedence from local band Jackstraw, and the best costume will be rewarded with a bitchin’ rug.

There’ll be many Dudes, Walters, Maudes, Karl Hunguses and The Jesuses. Luckily, WW has compiled secondary character costumes to help you tie the room together.

Arthur Digby Sellers
(Harry Bugin)
Writer of 156 episodes of the TV Western Branded, occupant of an iron lung, father of a D-student who finds out “what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.”
Costume:Massive, cylindrical metal ventilator with holes for the head and feet (we recommend using shiny fabric for ease of bowling).
Props:A “fucking dunce” son, a Mexican maid.
Key dialogue line:Heavy breathing.

Knox Harrington, the video artist
(David Thewlis)Maude Lebowski’s obnoxiously pretentious friend who giggles like a schoolgirl on Quaaludes upon meeting the Dude.
Costume:Black zip-up shirt with silver-square design, black pants and boots, bald head, pervy pencil ’stache.
Props: A magazine, a cleft asshole.
Key dialogue line: “ So, you’re Lebowski. Maudie’s told me all about you…would you like a drink?” (The Dude abides). “Baaar’s over there.”

Bunny Lebowski/Fawn Knutsen/Bunny LaJoya
(Tara Reid)The elder Lebowski’s blond-bombshell trophy wife, supposed kidnap victim, star and recipient of the porn epic Logjammin’.
Costume:Lime-green bikini and stripper hair (regular Bunny), or sheer lingerie top with white teddy and stilettos (for Logjammin’ Bunny).
Props:Green nail polish and a frozen margarita, or a cable bill and a bored, hot lesbian friend.
Key dialogue line: “I’ll suck your cock for $1,000.”

The Marmot
The preferred method of attack for a group of German nihilists, who toss the critter in the Dude’s bath and let it claw his balls; not a ferret.
Costume:Fuzzy bodysuit, cute pointy nose, black eyeliner, claws, leash harness.
Props:A German techno nihilist to hold the leash, rabies.
Key dialogue line:The Dude: “Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot?” (Hopefully, the judges.)


Marty
(Jack Kehler)The Dude’s jittery landlord who doubles as a one-man, Peter Pan-ish performance artist.
Costume:Flesh-toned bodysuit, diaper and crown made of leaves, prominent paunch.
Props:A chair to “act” with.
Key dialogue line:“ Dude, I finally got, I got the venue, uh, venue I wanted. I’m performing my dance quintet. You know, my cycle? I’d love it if you came and gave me notes.”

Jeffrey “The Big” Lebowski (David Huddleston)
Rich and cantankerous asshole, upper-crust con man, strong man who also cries.
Costume: Pinstripe suit, gray and receding hair.
Props: Wheelchair, FDR blanket, severed toe in a Kleenex.
Key dialogue line: “The bums will always lose, do you hear me Lebowski?!” Or: “I didn’t blame anyone for the loss of my legs. Some Chinaman took them from me in Korea, but I went out and achieved anyway!”

The Stranger (Sam Elliott)
Sagelike prophet, inexplicably loquacious philosopher.
Costume: Gray hair and huge mustache, denim shirt, leather vest, Levi’s.
Props: Sioux City sarsaparilla.
Key dialogue line: Toss-up: “I ain’t never seen no queen in her damn undies…but I’ll tell you what—after seeing Los Angeles, and this here story I’m about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin’ every bit as stupefyin’…and in English, too.” Or: “I like yer style, dude.”

“The Jesus” Quintana (John Turturro)
Creep who can roll, master ball-polisher, ex-con, registered sex offender, pederast. (Eight-year-olds, Dude.)
Costume: Purple bowling jumpsuit and matching shoes, flashy rings, padlock goatee, ponytail-length hairnet.
Props: Ball-polishing rag, wrist guard, massive pants-stuffage.
Key dialogue line: “You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger till it goes ‘click’…. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.”

Karl Hungus (Peter Stormare)
Porn alter ego of German nihilist and Autobahn musician Uli Kunkel, co-star of Logjammin’ with “Bunny LaJoya.”
Costume: Sleeveless cable-guy suit, flowing mane of blond hair, sunglasses.
Props: Tool belt with huge “tools.”
Key dialogue line: “Hello. Meine dispatcher says there is sometsing wrong mit deine cable?.... Zat’s why they sent me. I am an expert…meine nommen is Karl, ich bin expert!”

EXTRA CREDIT

Joel and/or Ethan Coen
The geniuses who gave us The Big Lebowski, the sadists who gave us Intolerable Cruelty.
Costume: Ratty T-shirt; khakis; cowboy hat; splotchy, pubelike beard.
Props: An armload of overdue Oscars, God-like aura.
Key dialogue line: Take your pick. Ours is the ambiguously ludicrous: “Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes, well, he eats you.”

Headout Picks

WEDNESDAY OCT. 22


[OPERA] OPERA THEATER OREGON
Gian Carlo Menotti’s 1946 mini-opera The Medium is like a Twilight Zone episode scripted by Poe. Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th Ave. 347-6453. 7 pm Wednesday and Friday-Saturday, Oct. 22 and Oct. 24-25 and 30-31. $15 advance, $17 day of show.

THURSDAY OCT. 23


[STAGE] THE UNITED STATES OF CHARLES PHOENIX Mad Men fans: A comedy slide show on the highs and lows of 1950s-’60s pop culture. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St. 8 pm. $15.

FRIDAY OCT. 24


[SCREEN] MOMMA’S MAN A comedy about a stubborn man-child, for once not played by Will Ferrell. Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st Ave., 223-4515. Friday-Thursday, Oct. 24-30. $4-$8.
[MUSIC/DEATH] (D)EARLY DEPARTED Local folkies and Storm Large sing songs about the dead. Isn’t Halloween next week? Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $15. 21+.
[WORDS] DAVID HEATLEY
Cartoonist David Heatley tells the story of his life through crude, honest and damn funny drawings. Powell’s on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

SATURDAY OCT. 25


[UNDEAD] THRILL THE WORLD PDX
PDX’s ’08 contribution to the “Most Zombies To Do Thriller” world record attempt! Rose City Roller Hangar, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way. 10 am. $5. Sign up at myspace.com/ttwpdx.
[MUSIC] THE NOTWIST
German laptop-rockers return with hushed melodies and bleary-eyed romanticism intact. Berbati’s Pan, 231 SW Ankeny St., 248-4579. 9:30 pm. $15 advance, $18 day of show. 21+.
[BATTLE] ROBOTICS COMPETITION
Local high-school robotics teams gear up for a Terminator battle at OMSI. A “race course” and “stunts” are promised. OMSI, 1945 SE Water Ave., 797-6674. 10 am-4 pm. Free.

SUNDAY OCT. 26


[BENEFIT] WONDER WOMAN DAY
The heroine fights domestic violence with a quartet of comic-book signings and a charity Wonder art auction. Excalibur Comics, 2444 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 231-7351. Noon-6 pm. Free.

MONDAY OCT. 27


[MUSIC] LADY DOTTIE
Like an older, saner Amy Winehouse, sans the coke habit. East End, 203 SE Grand Ave., 232-0056. 9 pm. Cover. 21+.


BOWL: The Lebowski Achievers Bowl commences at 9:30 pm Friday, Oct. 24. AMF Pro 300 Lanes, 3031 SE Powell Blvd., 234-0237. $10 (includes bowling and shoe rental). 21+. No fucking amateurs. Proceeds benefit RideOn (rideonportland.org). Visit wweek.com for more costume suggestions, including Jeffrey “The Big” Lebowski, The Stranger and Ethan & Joel Coen.
 
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