Let’s discuss: Thanksgiving is one week away. For some of us, the meal is magically beamed to the table via unknown forces, and we proceed to stuff ourselves full of tryptophan-laden delicacies. How that food landed on the table is of no concern. For all we know, Smurfs and ninjas could be cooking in there. For the rest of you, the stress is mounting. Things are on your mind. You know, like, “Oh shit, what size turkey do I order?” and “You’re bringing pea salad? Seriously? That sounds gross.” But, as Ludacris says, if you can’t take the heat, get the eff outta the kitchen. It’s really about good food and fresh ingredients. Relax already. Instead, brush up on your sweet kitchen skillz with the following items—and reclaim your stove-top mastery.
Y’all, if you expect to cook a turkey without a thermometer, you’re insane. Nobody wants an undercooked bird. You’ll do it at some point in your life, but let’s avoid it this year. Easy-read meat thermometer by Taylor. $9.95. In Good Taste, 231 NW 11th Ave., 248-2015.
Creating a meal takes swift choreography. Especially one that could be remembered and/or ridiculed for the remainder of a lifetime. Bottom line: Impeccable timing is crucial. Component Design Northwest kitchen timer. $12.95. Kitchen Kaboodle, multiple locations, (800) 366-0161, kitchenkaboodle.com.
Anything that contains the slightest suggestion of truffle is titillating to the taste buds. So if you run into a snafu, rub truffle oil on it. Kidding! Not really! You might want to throw some in your mashed taters, though. Dayton chef Jack Czarnecki’s oil comes from wild Oregon white truffles, which are pretty much kitchen crack. Joel Palmer House Oregon White Truffle Oil. $30. oregontruffleoil.com.
Because everything tastes better with bacon...even when that bacon is covering up a pulsating steam burn. Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages. $5.25. Cheeky B, 906 NW 14th Ave., 274-0229, cheekyboutique.com.
Cute? Totally. Impractical? Maybe. But who wouldn’t want a crocheted apron with felt pockets? No one, that’s who. Just don’t spill your yam marshmallow surprise on it; it’ll be a bitch to clean. Semina filigree apron. $50. Folly, 1005 NW 16th Ave., 954-1334, follypdx.com.
Just stop. You’re not going to bake that pie from scratch. Let the experts do it. Especially if “pie” translates to brandied, all-local pears tumbled with dark chocolate and candied ginger streusel. Yum. Random Order pies. $25 in pie tin. $10 deposit for glass baking dish—you can pretend you made it yourself! Random Order Coffeehouse, 1800 NE Alberta St., 971-340-6995. Orders must be placed by Sunday, Nov. 23.