ILLUSTRATION BY MIA NOLTING
The best part of New Year's Eve is putting this year's crap behind you and having something to look forward to. You know: resolutions, life changes, etcetera. But we don't know if that applies in 2009, when what we have to look forward to is an ever-deepening economic depression that's likely get a lot worse before it gets any better. So this year, screw the resolutions, fuck the future and focus on having the best time you can. The United States has elected a black president and ended the sorry cynicism of the Bush years. You deserve to have a great time, so check out one of the 70 events we have listed. And remember to take TriMet home—it's free.
[DJS] Ladytron spins with help from eight local DJs.
Ash Street Saloon
[POP] Throwback Suburbia, Orange Collection, and friends will be pop-rocking it till the break of dawn. Not recommended with Pepsi. 225 SW Ash St., 226-0430, 9:30 pm, $7. 21+.
[TRIP THE LIGHT FANTASTIC] Starfucker, Blue Horns and the Hugs will be playing. Their names, put together, predict how the evening will go. 115 NW 5th Ave., 248-2900. 8 pm. $10. All ages.
[DANCEDANCE] Bonobo from the U.K. and DJ Kez will be on the wheels of steel. 213 SW Ankeny St., 248-4579. 9 pm. $15. 21+.
[MCNUTTY] Circled by Hounds plays "roll up your sleeves, kick off your shoes, and have another pint music." Get drunk, get Irish. 6000 NE Glisan St., 233-1178. 9 pm. Free. 21+.
Cornelius Pass Roadhouse
[ROCK] Old Elbows plays rock and blues, acoustic, and electric, and offers "extreme musical pleasure." 4045 NW Cornelius Pass Road, 640-6174. 9 pm. Free. 21+.
[SONIC SMORGASBORD] Want to check out New Year's in 10 different cities? Impossible. Crystal Ballroom offers the next best thing with this bash, featuring a live broadband connection of two bands and multiple DJs, playing in 10 cities. 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047, newyearsnation.com. 8 pm. $100-$150. 21+.
['80S METAL] Supersuckers, Kleveland and Gerald Collier. 1 SW 3rd Ave., 226-6630. 9 pm. $20. 21+.
[INDIE AWESOME] The king of East Burnside Street holds the 5th annual Fir Ball, which includes performances by Nick Jaina Band and Bark Hide and Horn. The Builders & the Butchers will headline. 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $15 advance, $17 door. 21+.
[TRIBUTE] Bring a pretty woman to see Running Scared, the seven-piece Roy Orbison tribute band with guests the Touchables and the Wanna B52s. 1635 SE 7th Ave. 234-2337, 9pm. $10. 21+.
[METAL] New Year's Masquerade Ball: Danava and Burning Leather will be holding it down with DJ Blackhawk. 203 SE Grand Ave., 232-0056, tickets available from Jackpot and Ticketswest. 9 pm. $10. 21+.
[GREGARITY] DJ Gregarious spins dance hits from the past three decades. 316 SW 11th Ave., 226-4171, ext. 23. 9 pm. $10. 21+.
[AFRO FUNK] Ring in the New Year with the ultra-funky afrobeat and juju of 11-piece Jujuba. 2845 SE Stark St.,239-9292. 9 pm. $16. 21+.
[HIP-HOP] Sandpeople, Gray Matters and friends. 1507 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 233-7100. 8 pm. $10. All ages.
[JAZZ] The Mel Brown Quartet will play from 6:30-9 pm. Mel Brown B3 Organ Group from 10 pm-close. 221 NW 10th Ave., 295-6542. Each show will be $20 advance/$25 at door, minors welcome until 9:30 pm. 21+.
[IRISH/PUNK] The Irish punk-rock institution Amadan will be rocking in the New Year. 112 SW 2nd Ave., 227-4057. 8 pm. $20. 21+.
[FUNK/FREAK] Dr. Theopolis will be in the theater. Or opt for a less frenzied party with the Freak Mountain Ramblers in the gym—it is absolutely free. 5736 NE 33rd Ave., 249-3983. 9 pm. $35 Dr. Theopolis tickets. $395 and up per couple for overnight hotel packages. 21+.
LaurelThirst Public House
[FOLK] Laura Veirs and the Decemberists' Chris Funk promise to make it a Veirs New Year. Expect to see the rest of the Decemberists have a little fun onstage as well. 2958 NE Glisan St., 232-1504. 9:30 pm. $10. 21+.
Mississippi Pizza Pub
[FOLK] Enjoy the Afro-Cuban sounds of Melao de Cana. Come see how many drinks it takes for you to lose your ability to spell Mississippi. 3552 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3231. 9 pm. $10. 21+.
Mock Crest Tavern
[ROOTS] Lowell J. Mitchell performs grassroots jug-band tunes. Get juggy with it. 3435 N Lombard St., 283-5014, 9 pm. Free. 21+.
Mount Tabor Legacy
[TONGUE TRIBUTE] Out Like That presents KISS THIS. Kiss what? Get drunk and find out. 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 232-0450. 7 pm. $10 advance, $15 door. 21+.
[JÄZZ] Sons of Norway and Portland dance groups present Johnny Martin headlining with live music in the Grand Ballroom, backed by DJs on the second floor. Light buffet included with admission. 111 NE 11th Ave., 771-2689, norsehall.org. 8:15 pm. $35, advanced tickets required. Children under 12 discouraged.
[DJ] Get wicked to rock classics, hip-hop, funk, techno and '80s New Wave with DJ P and DJ Wicked. 31 NW 1st Ave., 241-2916. $20 before 11 pm, $30 after 11 pm. 21+.
[TRANCE DANCE] New Year's Renaissance features Himay, Evan Alexander, Wiggles, Gabe Driscoll and a "surreal fashion show." 105 NW 3rd Ave., 242-0700. 8 pm. $10. 21+.
[SHIT-KICKIN' COUNTRY] Concrete Cowboys and DJ Glenn . 10350 N Vancouver Way, 345-0300, ext. 4459. 9:30-1:30 pm. $16.95. 21+.
[OBSCENITY] This, 'Stache Ride, Wombstretcha, Brassai. 2530 NE 82nd Ave, 256-3399. 9:30 pm. Free. 21+.
Rock Creek Tavern
[ROCKIN'] Wildseed will be performing. Onan would approve. 10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Road, 645-3822. 9 pm. Free. All ages until 10 pm.
[TECHNO] Truckasauras, Caves, Atole, and DJ Linoleum will be playing techno and hyphy soundscapes into the early hours of the morning. 315 SE 3rd Ave., 234-5683, rotture.com. 9 pm. $7. 21+.
[PUNK-ASS] Poison Idea, MDC, Burning Leather, Embrace the Kill, and guests. 125 NW 6th Ave Portland, 227-0999, 8 pm. $10. All ages.
[BEAT BOX] Seattle comedian/beat-boxer/actor/performance artist Reggie Watts brings his hypnotic and provocative live show to Portland to end the year. 25 NW 5th Ave., 248-1030. 9 pm. $18 advance, $20 door. 21+.
[KARAOKE] Make your own music. 2401 SW 4th Ave., 226-1181. 9 pm-close. Free. 21+.
[NOSTALGIA] The Tony Starlight Show, featuring Barbara Ayars. Tony Starlight's Supper Club, 3728 SE Sandy Blvd., 527-3728. 8 and 10:30 pm. $20-$25 show only, $60 dinner package. All ages.
White Eagle Saloon
[OLD-TIMEY] Foghorn Stringband will be playing old-time music from America's bluegrass past to help you ring in this new year. 836 N Russell St., 282-6810. 9:30 pm. $10. 21+.
[JAZZ] Kate Davis, 17-year-old jazz-singing wunderkind, will lend her big-as-her-bass voice to making sure you have a great evening. 800 NW 6th Ave., 223-0070. 7:30 pm. $10. All ages.
Wonder Ballroom: Shanghai Nights
[BEATS] Unfortunately, Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson will not be in attendance. EOTO, Moseley, Law/Sipe/Droll and the Senate will be. 128 NE Russell St., 284-8686. 8 pm. $48 general admission, $100 VIP ticket includes three drink tickets and access to Shanghai chill-zone. 21+.
[DJS] Live DJs will be dropping cuts all night at Portland's hottest under-21 nightclub. 126 SW 2nd Ave., 497-9113. 9 pm-2:30 am. All ages. Call for price.
BarFly Bus Tour
[BENDER] Let them plan your evening; you just worry about what to wear and who to pick up. You can go to 10 bars, where all cover charges, hors d'oeuvres, drink specials, champagne toast, infernal noisemakers and traditional NYE paraphernalia are included! barflymag.com, 7 pm-1 am. $25 per person. 21+.
[GENDER-BENDER] Check out the lovely, uh, ladies at Darcelle's 42nd annual New Year's Eve drag show. Surround yourself with glamour. 208 NW 3rd Ave, 222-5338. 8 pm dinner, 9 pm show. $45-$65. 21+.
Duke's Bar and Grill
[TRASHERRIFIC] Early performance by Chad Williams comes with barbecued beef brisket for $20. Later there will be a "denim-and-diamonds" party with party favors, a mechanical bull and a sculpted ice bar. 14601 SE Division St., 760-1400. 7 and 10 pm. $10-$20. 21+.
Portland Champagne Ball
[FOR THE KIDS] 5 Guys Named Moe play Motown and '70s classics. Black-tie meat-market magnificence! Six themed rooms, 22 bars, an appetizer buffet and over 1,500 partiers. Portland Hilton, 921 SW 6th Ave., 245-8750, champagneball.com. 8 pm. $75-$100. 21+.
[BOOB BASH] WEB Foundation presents the third annual Twilight Gala, benefiting Breast Friends, a local nonprofit dedicated to helping families dealing with breast cancer. DJ, dancing, cocktails, casino and more. Crown Plaza, 14811 SW Kruse Oaks Way, Lake Oswego, webfoundationpdx.com. 8 pm. $75 online, $100 at the door.
[PERUVIAN] Celebrate the New Year Peruvian-style with a three-course dinner—early or late. Live music begins at the late seating featuring the Toshi Onizuka Trio. 1314 NW Glisan St., 228-9535, 5:30-7 pm or 8:30-9:30 pm seating. $60-$195 per person.
[ITALIAN] A four-course Italian prix fixe menu featuring seven different meats and riverfront views. 0470 SW Hamilton Court, 802-5850. 9 pm-1 am. $75 per person.
[MEATY] Naomi Pomeroy's eight-course feast includes the livers of three species and a mouth-watering variety of pork fat. 5425 NE 30th Ave., 841-6968. 6 or 8:45 pm. $225, wine included.
[NORTHWESTERN] Prix fixe menu featuring decadent dishes like poached salmon with risotto potatoes and poached pear in phyllo dough with vanilla-tarragon crème Anglaise. Yummy in the tummy. 3257 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 235-3277, bellytimberrestaurant.com. 5 pm. $45.
[JAPANESE] Enjoy a traditional Japanese New Year's menu, including handmade soba noodles and kabocha cake. 215 SW 9th Ave., 239-8830. 5 pm-close. All ages.
[LIVER] Pascal Sauton reprises his popular New Year's Eve foie gras tasting menu. Yummy buttery fatty potentially cruel meat. Mmmmm. 200 SW Market St., 248-0004. 5:30, 7:30 or 9:30 pm. $49.
[NORTHWESTERN] Extravagant menu featuring a collection of delicacies like lobster bisque, Dungeness crab and beef cheeks! 1752 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 231-7373. Reservations starting at 5:30 pm. $80 per person, $125 with wine pairings.
[NORTHWESTERN] Ring in 2008 with a five-course menu with tasty items like tagliarini pasta with Dungeness crab, spit-roasted prime rib and a baked Alaska to finish it off. 1001 SE Water Ave., No. 160, 235-2294. Call for info.
[PERUVIAN] Four courses of Andean extraction. 2315 NE Alberta St., 288-8191. 4-10 pm. $45, $20 wine pairings.
[NORTHWESTERN] Four-course prix fixe dinner. DJ Izm will spin in the New Year. 306 NW Broadway, 222-4458. $60. 5 pm.
[NORTHWESTERN] A five-course menu of honest winter specials. 3808 N Williams Ave. No. 127, 288-6200. Three seatings beginning at 5 pm. $65.
[POSH NOSH] A four-course prix fixe meal London Grilled to perfection. The Benson Hotel, 509 SW Broadway, 228-2000. 5-11 pm. $45 per person.
[EURO] A four-course prix fixe menu to ring in the New Year. They will also be offering an early three-course dinner to people who want to get their New Year's started a little bit earlier. Party! 1338 NW Hoyt St., 274-0800, olearestaurant.com. $50 for three-course meal before 6:30 pm. $55 for three-course meal after 6:30 pm, $75 for four-course.
[DESSERT] It's back! Cheryl Wakerhauser is once more hosting a free midnight chocolate buffet at both Pix locations. Get your chocolate on. 3402 SE Division St., 232-4407. 3901 N Williams Ave., 282-6539, 11 pm-1 am.
[PAN-ASIAN] Infamously awesome resident DJ Mr. Mumu and three guest DJs will keep the party hopping. A la carte menu with New Year's Eve offerings. 214 SW Broadway, 241 3393. 5 pm-close.
[TASTE EXPLOSION] A choice of two prix fixe menus at WW's 2008 restaurant of the year. 1852 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 517-7770. 5:30 and 8:30 pm. $100 for four courses, $125 for six.
Simpatica Dining Hall
[NORTHWESTERN] Plates like lobster and housemade pickle salad with lobster coral aioli and crêpes Suzette with housemade orange marmalade and Chantilly cream make for a menu worthy of a special occasion. Simpatica, 828 SE Ash St., 235-1600. 7:30 pm. $75, plus wine and gratuity.
Portland is keeping it weird, as you can see from this annual tradition in which whole families walk/run through drunken downtown Portland. New Year's resolution: Don't let little Jimmy jump on passed-out people this year. 121 SW Salmon St., racecenter.com/firstrun. Party at 10 pm, race at midnight. $30-$35.
Ground Kontrol offers an evening of free gaming with over 90 different games, Champagne at midnight and DJs Tigerstripes and I Heart U spinning classic cuts as you conquer virtual villains and party like it's 2084. 511 NW Couch St., 796-9364, 6 pm, $10. +21.
New Year's at Noon
Cookies, cider and crazy hatmaking at the Portland Children's Museum. 4015 SW Canyon Road, 223-6500. Dec. 31, noon. $7-$8. Children only.
Eating, drinking, bowling. Need we say more? 17880 SW Lower Boones Ferry Road, 726-4263. Open until 1 am. All ages.
Winter Hawks vs. Seattle
The Portland ice mavens take on the Seattle Thunderbirds in their annual bird battle for hockey bragging rights. Memorial Coliseum, 1 Center Court, 236-4295. 5 pm. $6.25-$17.25. All ages.
[QUEER] The venerable dance club's 28th annual Platinum Ball offers plenty of opportunities to grind. 219 NW Davis St., 248-9135. 7 pm. $10. 21+.
[QUEER] Portland's only lesbian club's "smokin' New Year's Eve" offers go-go girls, music by DJs Cheeto Fingers and No No, as well as a last chance to light up indoors. 3701 SE Division St., 236-8689. 7 pm-4 am. $12. 21+.
Darklady's Empire of Pleasure
[RAUNCH] This S&M extravaganza will feature sex swings, spankings from naughty Santa, candid photography, and many giveaways. Entry price includes all-you-can-eat Mediterranean buffet from Rumpspankers! Village Ballroom, 700 NE Dekum St., 283-1100, darklady.com. 7 pm-2 am. $35 with fetish costume, $65 in street clothes. 21+.
The Strange Tones in Blackberry Hall, the Quick & Easy Boys in the Theater and Lincoln Crockett & Lucky Finn in the Winery. 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale, 669-8610. 9 pm. Free, overnight packages $135-$465.
McMenamins Grand Lodge
Featuring live music by Big Mama Gayle & Her Sugar Daddies and more noise-makers. 3505 Pacific Ave., Forest Grove, 992-9533. 9 pm. Big Mama Gayle open only to overnight customers. Compass Room and Yardhouse shows free, overnight packages $250-$450.
[POSH] The swank hotel offers dinner for two and breakfast the next morning at its chic steakhouse, Urban Farmer, plus Champagne, strawberries and valet parking. 525 SW Morrison St., 222-9996. $599 and up.
[EXPLOSIVE] A five-course prix fixe meal with a view of the fireworks exploding over the river and a nice room to crash in. Yup, this will get you laid. 50 SW Morrison St., 221-0711, 5 pm. New Year's Eve couple's packages start at $249.