September 18th, 2007 | by Adrian Chen News | Posted In: CLEAN UP, Business

Love Portland but hate pants? Try Second Life!

     
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A few things I hate about Real Life Portland: 1) you have to wear pants; 2) weird smells; 3) it's really bright sometimes and it hurts my eyes; 4) You have to take showers once in a while (see 2).

So I'm super glad that the online community of Second Life exists. This 3D world boasts about 9.5 million residents, some of whom live right here in Portland! Now, a group of them have built a virtual Rose City that faithfully recreates all the Portland landmarks you love to forget—Saturday Market, The Pearl District, geeky white people—with no pants requirement, annoying sun or sickly sweet rose stench that really works up my allergies. Also, you can fly.

If you're curious about this parallel Portland, virtual Tom Potter Ty Magpie invites all Second Life users to teleport or fly their giant dragons or whatever over to the "Haetae" area this Saturday for “hours of live concerts and music, dancing, fireworks and loads of fun.” There, you can browse famous Portland landmarks such as NW 21st Avenue, Pearl District condos (!), a bunch of galleries that don't exist in real life, a pirate ship, and a blurry photo of Mount Hood that hangs horribly in the sky like a huge loogie. I personally cannot wait to virtually walk down to the lovingly replicated Quick Stop on NW 21st, buy a pack of eCigarettes, a bottle of iScotch and head back to my massive, filthy castle. I will then watch YouTube on my 3500-inch computer screen with my 18-year-old demon mistress until I notice I really need to change my underwear in Real Life. Those damn smells!

Maybe more notable than the Portland locales recreated in Second Life are those left out. What about South- and Northeast Portland? Old Town? How about 82nd Ave? Do minorities take up more memory or something? OK, I've got to stop there or I risk becoming the Second Life Jack Bogdanski.

NOTE: Check out this video if you have ten minutes to spare looking at an uglier version of the city you spend every day in:
[googlevideo]http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3375020914718425619&q=second+life+portland&total=30&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0[/googlevideo]
 
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