I was kind of taken aback when I first saw U.S. Senate candidate Steve Novick's campaign slogan, “The fighter with a hard left hook.” Not to mention his campaign website: www.votehook.com
. OK, Novick, we get it: You have a hook for a hand. Now end the war.
Perhaps more political candidates should point out their very obvious differences in their own campaign slogans. Hilary Clinton: “The fighter with a vagina.” Barack Obama: “The fighter who is an underrepresented minority.” Rudy Giuliani: “The fighter with next to no hair.”
But the strategy might be paying off now that officially famous person John Hodgman has mentioned Novick on his blog
. Hodgman is best-known as the frumpy “PC guy” in Apple's “Get a Mac” commercials, but he's best-loved (by me) for his appearances on The Daily Show
and his hilarious fake almanac, The Areas of My Expertise
. Hodgman writes of Novick:
AT THE TENDER AGE OF 14 was he sent loose upon the hard streets of Oregon after the closing of his Junior High School due to budget cuts...
(AS YOU MAY KNOW, Oregon regularly ranks very highly in US News & World Report's annual MOST DICKENSIAN STATE list)
...BUT RATHER THAN TURN TO A LIFE OF HOOK-HANDED PICKPOCKETING, he instead enrolled IN HARVARD LAW SCHOOL AT THE AGE OF 18.
Why, you might ask, does a famous screen actor and humorist give a shit about an Oregon senatorial candidate? Well it's not for his support of net neutrality or his opposition to the war—it's because he has a hook for a hand. Among the fake information included in Hodgman's The Areas of My Expertise
is a list of nine presidents who had hooks for hands. Jefferson, for example, “designed his own hook,” while Bush “replaced his hook with a chain saw in an effort to seem less privileged.” So Hodgman writes, “SHOULD STEVE NOVICK PREVAIL and become a US Senator, he would, under obscure Oregonian law, be but A HOOK-HAND FROM THE PRESIDENCY.”
Novick's campaign website has picked up the story
, but seems to be missing the point that Hodgman isn't really endorsing Novick but his hook-hand. Clearly, the hook needs to ditch Novick and strike out on its own—it's already got its own website.