Wang Baby Born, Immediately Endorses Father
IMMEDIATE RELEASE- June 7, 2010
Portland, Ore.--REAGAN BRIAN KAN-LE WANG was born on June 5, 2010, at 7:13 p.m. at Adventist Medical Center. Overdue by a week, he weighed in at 9 lbs. 9 oz.
Reagan is the son of Andre and Lisa Wang. Andre Wang is the Republican nominee for state representative in Oregon House District 50, which encompasses neighborhoods in Gresham, Ore.
After the elder Wang severed his son's umbilical cord, Reagan immediately convened a press conference to endorse his father.
"Now that we're past the primary election, I'm coming out to support my daddy's campaign for state representative because this race is about our future for me and my big sister, Holland," said the younger Wang.
"I'll go door to door, work the phones, let strangers kiss me," he promised. "Whatever it takes to spread daddy's message of restoring Oregon to prosperity."
Citing Oregon's constitutional requirement that state legislators be 21 years old, Reagan Wang conceded, "I'd run for the legislature myself, but I'm not old enough." According to anonymous hospital sources, Reagan studied copies of both federal and state constitutions while in utero.
"I'm honored to have secured this precious endorsement," said Andre Wang, while holding his newest supporter. "I pledge to live up to my son's high expectations and work hard to give my children an Oregon full of opportunity and promise."
At the conclusion of the press conference, Reagan soiled his diaper and went to sleep.