eight brave, heartsick souls —including Multnomah County Commish Jeff Cogen, Live Wire's
Courtenay Hameister and WW's own Aaron Mesh— shared their worst dating stories at "It's Not Me, It's You,"
1. Don't dismiss a woman as a potential mate just because she wears cat makeup in public.
2. Co-ed dodge ball and evangelical Christian college kids don't mix.
[Interested parties, you can email Aaron at amesh [at] wweek.com]
3. Never let your mom set you up on a blind date—even if she promises you Grateful Dead tix in return.
Jeff Cogen
4. Listen to your inner warning bells.
5. Vodka makes everything better.
when hosts Karol Collymore and LeAnn Locher announced a raffle prize nicknamed "The Breakup": Six bottles of New Deal vodka, shot glass, gift cert for video store and a dozen cupcakes.
6. Better late than never. Just Out scribe and stage man Jimmy Radosta didn't come outta the closet until he was 27 and didn't start dating until age 32. "But I've had a lifetime's worth of catastrophic dates in those six years," he noted. Dates which included: Attempts to convert straight men, local actors wearing nothing but electrical tape wound around their balls and terrifying close oral encounters with drunk, passed out drag queens. "I almost had to call for the jaws of life to free me from his lifeless jaws."
7. Courtenay Hameister has giant, hilarious lady-balls.
"Hi mom," she said with a wave. "Yeah everybody, that's my mom. Right there."

8. "There is a delta between giving somebody a fake name after having sex and getting married."
9. "No teeth. No teeth."
clinging to her lesbian potluck entry of a peach pie like as if it were a "combination of security blanket and dowry"
10. All of these charming people survived their dating horror stories.