I cannot improve upon the missive that I just received in my inbox from Portland's meat mavens Olympic Provisions:

"Impress and amaze your loved ones this Valentine's Day with an Olympic Provisions Singing Salamigram.  The lead singer of The Tumblers will be delivering a 5 stemmed salami bouquet with a performance of an original song.  The price is $75 and delivery is available February 11-14."  

Yep. A singing telegram that delivers a wiener bouquet. Sometimes I really love this town.

Details below: