On this Fourth of July, the Portland Fire Bureau would like to remind you to stick with sparklers. Bottle rockets, roman candles and firecrackers "are ILLEGAL in Oregon," the bureau says.
Not scared by the prospect of a $500 fine?
Consider: Your M-80 could trigger someone's PTSD.
Illegal fireworks are dangerous, "traumatizing and harmful to children, animals, and a growing number of war veterans who deserve our loyalty the most," the bureau says.
Bet you feel guilty now. And you should.
Anyway, the dearth of opportunities to blow things up got us thinking—what might Portlanders borrow from firework-free independence celebrations in other countries?
Turns out you don't need explosions to have a good time, just a little creativity!
Put a bird on it.
If you're at the Oregon Coast this weekend, remember, staging a full-dress military parade is much safer than having a bonfire, especially you plan on consuming alcohol.
Vigorous exercise means long-term safety for your internal organs.
Keeping it Weird.
The village of Wagah has been divided between Pakistan and India since
those countries gained independence from Britain in 1947. This
is how residents mark the occasion. Maybe city leaders in Portland and Vancouver could stage a similar ceremonial pseudo-faceoff.
It looks like a giant game of hackey sack. Welcome to Waterfront Park.
Just like Pride
Oregonians love a labor rally. Granted, it's forced labor in this case—but c'mon, get in the spirit!
Just another night at Holocene…
So a bunch of underemployed young people finally decided to stop bitching
and do something
about a government that provided them few opportunities. Maybe the Portland "creative class" could…