Each week our culture scientists rank their 10 favorite things in the universe. The resulting list is infallible. The list is perfect. If you don't agree with the list, you are wrong. Some items may stay atop the list for weeks, others may only make a brief appearance. Some items are Portland-centric, but only because Portland is at the center of the universe. Please do not write to us, asking for the metrics behind the list. We will not provide source material. We will not be swayed. Bow down to the list. Love the list, as the list loves all things. Let the list move through you. (And, you know, if you have suggestions for the list, stick them in the comments section below.)

1. The iPad 3

Because those abused Foxconn workers are putting their bloodied little fingers to great use on this lil' miracle device, and our insatiable demand for imperceptibly higher-resolution screens knows no bounds. We would pretty much slaughter a dozen baby seals to get our hands on this little technological wonder. In fact, hand us a bat and lead us to some seals—you don't have to give us an iPad. We're just jonesing to do something with our idle hands.

2. Bulleit Rye Whiskey is on sale this month at all Oregon liquor stores, down to $24 from $29.
Makes a great Manhattan.

Mostly for the breakfast tacos. But we're sure there are good bands playing, too.

4. Cheap Eats 2012
Makes the list for a second week (down three places from #1) because it's out now and still awesome a week later. Spin, taco, spin!

5. College basketball
Like football, it's also vastly inferior to it's professional counterpart, and, yeah, the decks are stacked, but at least the games sorta matter at some point in the season.

6. Brunch at Soi 9
The Goose Hollow Thai joint is now doing Sunday brunch. A mix of traditional Thai and American-Thai fusion dishes that nevertheless hit the perfect buttery, carby greasy-spoon diner food spot on a post-boozing Sunday morn, including rice porridge and kai gata—the Isaan answer to a sausage and egg breakfast.

7. Dungeness crab curry at Paa Dee
It's technically called poo pad pong gari, it's bright yellow, and it's our (other) latest Thai-food obsession. We want to eat nothing but this.

8. Elisabeth Moss dissing Fred Armisen
Indie quasi-celebrities say the meanest things. "One of the greatest things I heard someone say about him is, 'He's so great at doing impersonations. But the greatest impersonation he does is that of a normal person.'" A-O river!

9. Islands' "Hallways" video
It takes awhile to get going, but it pays off with skeletons dancing to an awesome song.

10. Emu chicks.
So cute! And then they grow up into dinosaurs.