Each week our culture scientists rank their 10 favorite things in the universe. The resulting list is infallible. The list is perfect. If you don't agree with the list, you are wrong. Some items may stay atop the list for weeks, others may only make a brief appearance. Some items are Portland-centric, but only because Portland is at the center of the universe. Please do not write to us, asking for the metrics behind the list. We will not provide source material. We will not be swayed. Bow down to the list. Love the list, as the list loves all things. Let the list move through you. (And, you know, if you have suggestions for the list, stick them in the comments section below.)

1. Mayoral Madness Twitter Campaigns
Portland quasi-celebrities engage in fierce, desperate online self-validation, and we get to watch! One newsroom denizen describes Mayoral Madness architect Aaron Mesh's reaction thus: "Some men just want to watch the world burn." This is substantially fair.

2. The most vituperatively anti-American parts of Will Ferrell's Mexican film Casa De Mi Padre
"We will kill each other feeding the shit-eating crazy monster babies." Yes, gringos are the shit-eating crazy monster babies. This is substantially fair.

3. Mark Saltveit
Portland's very own World Palindrome Champion.

4. The Retraction
This American Life is usually a little boring, but not when it dedicates a whole show to retracting its own reporting. Use those iPads with a clear conscious, folks!

5. Ohio 4, The West 0
There cannot be an all-Ohio Final Four in the NCAA Tournament—Ohio State and Cincinnati are in the same bracket quadrant—however, it could be three of four. Meanwhile, the only college basketball team from west of the Mississippi still alive in March Madness is the Baylor Bears. Waco's still two time zones away from here, however. Oh, and the Ducks might just win college athletics' greatest boobie prize, the NIT.

6. Power's Irish Whiskey
It's not quite as nuanced as Jameson, but it's $7 cheaper and comes from the same distillery, so we drank an entire bottle of it on Saturday. Ouch. We're going back to bed.

7. Avadon: The Black Fortress
We're a year behind on this one, we admit. But Spiderweb Software deserves credit for distilling the essence of old-school isometric, turn-based RPGs into an iPad-compatible format. The writing's great, the battles are addictive and the entertainment per dollar ratio is amazing—we paid $9.99 on Steam, and we're already 45 hours in.

8. Battleground
Hulu's lowish budget web only series returns to the list after a one-month absence, as it's really hitting its stride. Actual TV shows have so much pressure to get huge viewer numbers and specific demographics and advertisers, it's nice that this show can just hum along and be funny and low key.

9. St Patrick's Day
...or more specifically, the fact that it's now another 363 days away.

10. Styrofoam
We hear it's making a comeback. Nice, cooool drinks.