Each week our culture scientists rank their 10 favorite things in the universe. The resulting list is infallible. The list is perfect. If you don't agree with the list, you are wrong. Some items may stay atop the list for weeks, others may only make a brief appearance. Some items are Portland-centric, but only because Portland is at the center of the universe. Please do not write to us, asking for the metrics behind the list. We will not provide source material. We will not be swayed. Bow down to the list. Love the list, as the list loves all things. Let the list move through you. (And, you know, if you have suggestions for the list, stick them in the comments section below.)

1. The 2012 Best New Band showcase
It's this Friday at Mississippi Studios and it's free and it's gonna be real good.

2. Eugene
Have you been there lately? It sucks way less than it did a decade ago when we were in college. They have a barcade that rivals Ground Kontrol, they have more 24-hour establishments per capita than Portland does (rough math, but we're pretty sure) and on Cinco De Mayo they got a free Mayer Hawthorne show at the University of Oregon. Sure, downtown still sucks, but the guy playing a song about dead cats on the stand-up piano strapped to the bed of his pickup truck last week made us think that maybe the city to the south is a little weirder than Portland these days. Of course, Eugene's strip club scene is gross. Room for improvement.

3. COPS.com
As in the show. There, you can check out memorable video clips, learn what was going through the head of Officer Derrick Pendergrass when that woman with the bleeding head tried to bite him that one time, sign up for the COPS newsletter—which I'm assuming sends you email alerts whenever the show is on TV, which is all the fucking time—and visit the COPS online store. Sadly, they do not sell a 75-disc anthology containing all 982 episodes of television's greatest time-waster, but you can buy this awesome hoodie, emblazoned with a QR code, allowing you to access a classic COPS moment on your iPhone. GO TO THE WEB SITE NOW, PERP!

4. Logsdon's Peche 'n' Brett
New beers from Logsdon are exciting. Yes, it won a Gold medal at the World Beer Cup last weekend. We'd already told you how awesome it was by then.

5. Cocktails that taste like Flintstones vitamins
Specifically, we are thinking of the Anemic Tiki at Rum Club. Makes you feel like you're getting your daily allowance of something—but that something is mostly vodka. Keeping that childhood-snack theme going, Rum Club also serves homemade Hot Pockets. They are, however, not good.

6. Aksel Hennie in Headhunters
His character in this high-tension Norwegian import is a consummate ultramodern douchebag, a corporate recruiter with a raging Napoleon complex who lives in a ridiculous house with his ridiculously hot wife and supports his lifestyle by stealing expensive paintings from other rich assholes on the side. Then his life goes to actual shit, and by the time he walks away—miraculously, ludicrously—from a spectacular attempted vehicular homicide, dripping streaks of blood from his hastily shaved head, Hennie's somehow convinced us to root for him. Apparently, the guy is a big deal Norway. And he's got Steve Buschemi eyes!

7. Harry Dean Stanton's Avengers cameo
Some of us would enjoy superhero movies a lot more if, instead of all that flying and smashing, they just had Harry Dean Stanton talkin' about how weird them critters look up there.

8. Fez
Staying in the list for a second week in a row (down six places from #2), this Xbox 360 arcade game is still like nothing else we've ever played.

9. Timberline
We knew Timberline was the resort for us when we saw a guy riding the lift with a can of Rainer in his hand. Some folks prefer Mt. Hood Meadows. That's cool. Timberline might not have the diversity of terrain, but the people are so great. Especially when they're wearing funny outfits and lazing out on lawn chairs for a BBQ in the parking lot. Oh, and it'll be open all summer.

10. HBO's Girls
Not because we like it—it's eh, ok—but we throroughly enjoy watching the Internet freak the hell out over every single episode.